Designer Relationships summary

Let’s start off with an overview of various relationship structures that fall under the umbrella of “designer relationships,” so you can discover the breadth of options available. Remember, these categories aren’t rigid and can overlap or evolve over time.

Single by choice: Individuals who actively choose to remain unpartnered, focusing on personal growth, career, or other priorities. This lifestyle emphasizes self-sufficiency and independence.

Single and polyamorous: Those who maintain multiple romantic or sexual connections without a primary partner. This approach allows for diverse experiences and connections without the traditional framework of a central relationship.

Nonsexual: Relationships that don’t involve sexual activity, often based on strong emotional or intellectual connections. These partnerships can be deeply fulfilling and may include activities like co-parenting or shared living arrangements.

Monogamous by choice: Partners who consciously choose exclusivity after exploring other options or considering alternatives. This deliberate decision often leads to a stronger commitment and clearer boundaries.

Semiconsensual nonmonogamy: An arrangement where one partner engages in outside relationships with the other’s reluctant agreement. This can be challenging and requires careful navigation, open communication, and ongoing consent.

Open relationships: Partnerships where both individuals agree to engage in sexual (and sometimes romantic) connections outside the primary relationship. Rules and boundaries are typically established to maintain the primary bond.

Monogamish: Coined by writer Dan Savage, this describes primarily monogamous couples who occasionally allow sexual encounters with others, often under specific circumstances. This might include threesomes or hall passes during travel.

Friends with benefits: A friendship that includes a sexual component without the expectations of a romantic relationship. This arrangement allows for sexual exploration within a trusted friendship.

Swinging: Couples who engage in recreational sexual activities with other couples or individuals, often at organized events or parties. Swinging typically focuses on sexual variety rather than emotional connections.

Polyamory: The practice of maintaining multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, with the full knowledge and consent of all involved. For example: A triad where three individuals are all romantically involved with each other, or a V-shaped relationship where one person has two partners who aren’t involved with each other.

Swolly: A blend of swinging and polyamory, where couples engage in both recreational sex and form emotional connections with others. This approach combines the sexual variety of swinging with the emotional depth of polyamory.

Polyfidelity: A closed polyamorous relationship where all members are considered equal and agree not to seek additional partners. This structure offers multiple connections within a defined group.

Kink: Consensual non-conventional sexual practices, often involving power dynamics, role-play, or specific fetishes. While not a relationship structure itself, kink can be an important aspect of many designer relationships, allowing for exploration of desires and fantasies.

Successful designer relationships are built on a foundation of open and honest communication, ensuring that all involved parties freely consent to the relationship structure. Flexibility is crucial, as relationships can evolve over time, necessitating a willingness to reassess and adjust agreements. 

Self-awareness plays a vital role, as understanding one’s own needs, desires, and limitations is essential for creating fulfilling partnerships. Respect for the feelings, boundaries, and autonomy of all involved is paramount, as is the cultivation of emotional intelligence to navigate the complex emotions that can arise in non-traditional relationship structures. By adhering to these principles, you can create partnerships that authentically reflect your needs and desires, recognizing that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to relationships.