The Man's Guide to Women summary

Comedians have joked about it. Psychologists have analyzed it. Chances are, you’ve spent many a night lying awake ruminating on it: What is it that women actually want?

Believe it or not, this question has a clear, one-word answer: trustworthiness.

Now, before you pat yourself on the back for not lying to and stealing from the women in your life, know that this goes a bit deeper. It’s about reliability – you need to be consistent and accountable in your actions.

The desire for trustworthiness comes from evolution. For centuries, women relied on men to protect them and their children. Even today, when a father isn’t a reliable part of the family, children are five times more likely to grow up in poverty. Men are an important element of a relationship, and women need to be able to trust that they’ll be there for them.

This is a concern that’s subconsciously going through the mind of any woman you meet – and that’ll be a deciding factor in whether or not she sees you as a potential partner.

To boost your trustworthiness score, you need to demonstrate that you’ll be there for her. The best way to do this is to make her feel heard and respected. If she feels like you care about her, she’ll see you as trustworthy.

Keep this acronym in mind whenever you’re communicating with a woman: A-TT-U-N-E.

The A is for attend. If a woman is talking to you, let her know that you’re paying attention. Switch off the football game, or stop scrolling through your phone. Attention is the best way to show love, and it should be undivided.

The double Ts stand for turn Toward her. Eye contact, physical orientation, and face-to-face conversation are all signs of intimacy for a woman.

Next comes U, for understand. Your undivided attention is useless if you’re not comprehending what she’s saying. Ask questions, and make it clear that you’re on the same page. Don’t try to offer solutions or distract from the problem.

Then there’s N, which stands for nondefensively listening. If you’ve followed the steps up to now, this should come easily. Don’t let yourself get worked up – especially if the problem she’s talking about is you.

Finally, bring it home with E, for empathize. If you can’t pick up on how she’s feeling from body language, simply ask her. Let her emotions feel valued and heard. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right – that’s not the goal here.

If you can learn to attune to a woman, it will set the foundation for every aspect of your relationship. Conflicts, sex, dating – everything.