How to Be the Love You Seek summary

With a little theory in place, let’s jump ahead to put some of this knowledge into practice – starting in the context of our bodies. 

When we have strong body consciousness, we can feel and fathom our body’s sensations. On the other hand, when our body consciousness is weak, we might not even realize what’s going on within our body – let alone understand what these sensations may be calling us to address. 

Now that we’ve started aligning ourselves with the genuine wants and needs of our bodies, it’s time to do the same with our minds. 

Everyone has an ego, and our egos have their favorite childhood stories. Contrary to popular belief, however, our goal isn’t to “kill” our ego. After all, the stories it created were only desperate attempts to protect our childhood selves. And while we probably don’t want to continue identifying with these old narratives, we can use their appearance as helpful signals – like a smoke alarm alerting us to a nearby fire. This is what it means to have strong mind consciousness: we’re aware of our ego’s favorite stories but are no longer their victim. In fact, we’re actively working to rewrite the script so our mind can serve us better in the future. 

We’re now well underway with the realignment of our bodies and minds, so it’s time to turn to the final frontier: that of our hearts. 

Strong heart consciousness is characterized by what scientists call heart-brain coherence, where our heart and brain operate in sync – effortlessly exchanging signals and messages between them. Our heart actually contains around 40,000 neurons, so it makes sense that we’d be at our most regulated when our “little” and “big” brains are integrated and intertwined. 

So, you’ve initiated the reconnection to your three centers of consciousness and are checking in with yourself a few times daily. At this point, you may be wondering how these practices will transform your romantic relationships as a result. 

Have you ever walked into a room and immediately picked up the stress or tension palpable in the people or person there? If so, you may recall this happening at two levels: you consciously noticed the mood and subconsciously adopted it – even if you were relaxed and open when you walked in. The social synapse is responsible for this phenomenon, which, amazingly, enables us to communicate through biochemical, electrical, and energetic nonverbal signals.