Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents summary

If you’ve gotten this far, chances are you suspect that one or both of your parents were emotionally immature. But how can you know for sure?

After all, under a significant amount of stress or exhaustion, anyone can lose emotional control or become temporarily impulsive. What sets truly emotionally immature parents apart is the pattern of their behavior. When someone is not fully equipped to deal with complicated emotions, they tend to exhibit certain negative characteristics repeatedly.

Hopefully by now, you feel a bit more confident identifying the characteristics that all emotionally immature parents share. Armed with this information, we can now dive a bit deeper and discuss the four main types of emotionally immature parents.

The first type is the emotional parent. Ironically, these kinds of parents are ruled by their feelings – often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children’s lives. The most important characteristic of this type is that they often exhibit frightening levels of instability.

There are two distinct personality types that can arise from an emotionally neglectful childhood – internalizers and externalizers. Determining which style you’ve adopted is an important part of healing. So what exactly sets these coping mechanisms apart?

A useful analogy to distinguish between the two types is to think of them as appliances. Externalizers draw their energy from being plugged into the grid, while internalizers come with batteries included.

As children, it can be difficult to see our parents objectively. After all, aren’t we taught that our parents are supposed to be our heroes? Fortunately, as we grow into adulthood, we gain the freedom to assess whether or not our parents really gave us the care we needed. 

The first step to gaining emotional freedom is to learn how to become observational rather than reactive. To do this, you’ll need to approach any interaction from a place of calm centeredness. There are many ways to do this. You can take deep breaths, tense and relax your muscles, or even imagine calming scenery.

Adult children of emotionally immature parents tend to grow up believing that a healthy, rewarding relationship is too good to be true. Hidden behind this thought is the fear that no one will ever love them for who they really are.

Reclaiming your true self can help you learn to finally interact with your parents in a constructive manner. Another thing you can do? Hone your ability to recognize a truly emotionally mature person. This will help you create mutually satisfying relationships beyond your immediate family.