Slow Sex Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Slow Sex

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Zusammenfassung von Slow Sex

Name: Slow Sex
Rating: 4.4 (378 reviews)
Author: Diana Richardson

Diana Richardson

The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

4.4 (378 Bewertungen)

21 Min.

Themen

Ehe Achtsames Lieben Sex

Inhaltsübersicht

Slow Sex
in 7 Kernaussagen verstehen

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Kernaussage 1 von 7

What’s in it for me? A practical guide to a more fulfilling sex life.

Romantic relationships often begin with a storm of sexual passion. But at some point that storm subsides, and the desire for sex stagnates. Many people think it’s because they’ve chosen the wrong partner – so they move on, only to have the same experience again in the next relationship. Is great sex simply incompatible with a long-term partnership?

In the following blinks, you’ll discover that the exact opposite is true. We just have to change our perspective. Instead of rushing from one thrill to the next, we should shift down a gear and take our time – time to be mindful, to connect with our feelings, and to experience a new depth and intensity in sex.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why it’s hotter to stay cool during sex;
that an orgasm isn’t such a big deal; and
why stimulation shouldn’t be confused with pleasure.

Slowness during sex is an elixir for body and soul.

Nowadays, we put a premium on speed and instant gratification. A subway ride without social media, texting, and playing mobile games? Unthinkable. An online purchase without same-day delivery? Disappointing. We want everything, from the food that we order to the series we stream, to be available right now. This desire for immediacy extends into our love lives, too.

Sex is often absurdly fast. Sure, we may pine for it day in and day out – but a lot of the time, gratifying that desire amounts to no more than a quickie before bed. We race to orgasm as if we’ll get a reward for speed, then return to our hectic daily lives without really feeling satisfied or happy.

But what if satisfying sex is a basic need, just like food? In this sense, we live in a society of people who are sexually undernourished.

The key message here is: Slowness during sex is an elixir for body and soul.

It’s high time to slow down and give sex the attention and space it deserves. It's not so much about what we do, but how we do it. We don't have to run the gamut of contortionist positions or reinvent the sexual wheel. The key to slow sex is to use mindfulness to connect with both your body and your partner. In this way, physical love becomes a spiritual experience.

The following blinks highlight different aspects of slow sex and provide you with simple exercises to try out alone or with your partner. But the suggestions aren’t meant to be yet another thing to add to a long list of to-dos – quite the opposite, actually. Approach slow sex with an easygoing attitude, and spontaneously try the exercises that appeal to you.

At its core, slow sex is a spiritual practice that makes it possible to come into contact with the inner wisdom of your body, and to experience the happiness that ensues. When we understand that our sexuality is not limited to physical pleasure, but is a key to more serenity, joy, and health, we’ll automatically give it more attention and appreciation. In this way, the positive effects of slow sex will be self-reinforcing.

Don’t hunt for an orgasm – instead, relax during sex with deep breathing.

Harder, better, faster, stronger. Our society loves optimization, and this value encroaches upon all areas of our lives – with negative consequences for our mental health. Competition, fear of failure, and performance anxiety structure our day-to-day. And many of us find no respite from this stress in the bedroom, where it often applies to climax.

We want the best sex of our lives every time, and we approach the act with a goal-oriented mindset – the goal being orgasm, of course. But such high expectations for what good sex should be just end up stunting our sexuality.

Awareness helps you to stay in the moment and anchor yourself in your body.

Breathing consciously and setting aside the goal of orgasm are two simple ways to bring you closer to the healing experience of slow sex. But these relaxing practices are just the beginning – the setting of the stage. The real sexual magic begins when we turn on our awareness and pay close attention to every breath, movement, touch, and shift in the body.

Awareness involves observing ourselves closely and without judgment, and it’s the most important key to unlocking sexual potential.

To improve sex, focus on training your sensitivity rather than increasing stimulation.

When we slow down our minds and become more attentive during sex, our bodies become more sensitive at the same time. During the author’s slow sex retreats, she’s always amazed to hear both men and women report that their genitals have become more sensitive after just a few days of increasing their awareness. When we say goodbye to the hunt for frenzied stimulation and orgasms, our bodies give us much deeper pleasures that resonate within us for a long time.

The key message here is: To improve sex, focus on training your sensitivity rather than increasing stimulation.

Arrange enough time and an inspiring atmosphere for your slow-sex experience.

Now that you know the most important aspects of slow sex – slowness, relaxation, mindfulness, and sensitivity – let’s dive a little deeper into the experience itself. In the remaining blinks, you’ll discover how to start your slow sex practice. Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so let your intuition guide you. It’s important that you trust your instincts and not expect miracles – especially in the beginning. And, as with everything, practice makes perfect.

Here’s the key message: Arrange enough time and an inspiring atmosphere for your slow-sex experience.

Stay relaxed during the encounter, and make space for your growing feelings.

When you and your partner are both rooted in your bodies and feel that you can stay present with yourselves but still be open to each other, it’s time for the first touch. Slowly get closer by reaching out a hand – or in any way that feels good in the present moment, whether it’s holding hands, hugging, or kissing.

If you then lie down together, it’s very likely that the slowness and lack of habitual movements will initially irritate you. This is completely normal. A typical sexual encounter is closely linked to our egos and personalities. By breaking the habitual pattern, we leave our comfort zones. So give yourself time, and get involved in the new experience – and keep in mind that it’s not about arousal or achieving a sensational, orgasmic feeling. Slow sex is all about the present.

Movement has a different quality during slow sex.

Of course, slow sex doesn’t mean coming to a standstill. You’re certainly still in motion, but there are no rules for how much or how little you move during slow sex. The question is rather: Are the movements mechanical and mere habit, or do they arise naturally from the present moment?

The key message here is: Movement has a different quality during slow sex.

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Worum geht es in Slow Sex?

Slow Sex (2011) makes a powerful case for a deceleration of our love lives in order to have more fulfilling sex and deeper, happier relationships. In our hectic and consumer-oriented society, sex is often used as a quick fix for physical satisfaction – but this can leave us feeling empty. Slow sex helps us unfold the potential of our sexuality by learning how to make love in a conscious, mindful way that is ultimately as healing as it is stimulating.

Wer Slow Sex lesen sollte

Couples seeking to reinvigorate their relationship
Anyone interested in having better sex
Those curious about meditation and higher states of awareness

Über den Autor

Diana Richardson has been teaching meditation and Tantra to couples since 1993. She is also a trained body therapist and has written the best-selling books Tantric Sex for Men, The Heart of Tantric Sex, and Tantric Orgasm for Women.

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