1-2-3 Magic Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus 1-2-3 Magic

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Zusammenfassung von 1-2-3 Magic

Name: 1-2-3 Magic
Rating: 3.8 (48 reviews)
Author: Thomas W. Phelan

Thomas W. Phelan

Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

3.8 (48 Bewertungen)

17 Min.

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Erziehung und Heranwachsen Routinen & Gewohnheiten Familienleben

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1-2-3 Magic
in 5 Kernaussagen verstehen

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Kernaussage 1 von 5

What’s in it for me? Stay on top of your child’s behavior and take back control of your life.

Do you like your kids?

Of course you love them, and care about them, and want the best for them, but would you say that – for the most part – you actually like being with them? Do you miss them when they’re away, and rejoice when they unexpectedly come home early?

Don’t feel bad if your answer isn't an immediate and resounding “Yes.”

Raising kids is hard and often unrewarding. They don’t come with an instruction manual or warning label, and a lot of parents find themselves overwhelmed and unprepared. The cozy family nights and endless laughter and cuteness that you envisioned before they came along often take a backseat to the tantrums, attitude, and arguments.

Kids don’t always do what you want – they scream when they don’t get candy, or they throw their toys down the stairs, or they hit their siblings. This leaves the exasperated parent to navigate the delicate task of discipline – often resulting in the predictable and tiring process of talk, persuade, argue, yell, and – unfortunately for some – hit. Before you know it the afternoon is wasted, everybody is miserable, and the child hasn’t learned a thing.

Imagine if discipline could be something quick, simple, and consistent. Think of all the extra time you would have to actually enjoy being with your child.

In this Blink you’ll learn a method that has helped thousands of parents do just that. With a bit of preparation, patience, and practice, you can implement these techniques with your kids today, and start living the family life you always wanted.

This isn’t magic, but it might feel like it.

You’ll see.

Children: Not Just Little Adults

Picture this. Your seven-year-old daughter has spent the whole morning tormenting her five-year-old brother – hitting, name-calling, provoking, the whole lot. Of course this behavior is unacceptable, and it’s important that she realize this. So you sit her down and calmly explain why she shouldn’t do it: It’s not nice to hurt people, it makes mommy angry, and how would she like it if someone teased her?

The seven-year-old, in a brilliant and mature flash of insight, realizes the error of her ways, and brightly declares: “Thanks, mom – I never thought of it that way!”

Sounds ridiculous, right? Because that’s not how children work. They are selfish. They are unreasonable. They are, quite simply, crazy.

The first thing you’re going to need to do is challenge this common assumption that kids are just small adults who can be reasoned with.

This doesn't mean there’s no place for explanation – tell them once if you need to. But if you’re repeating yourself then it’s only going to be irritating for all involved, and this leads to the two biggest mistakes that parents make while disciplining: Too much talking, and too much emotion.

For a kid, too many words can be distracting or confusing – and, as you just saw, they often don't work. But why is emotion bad? Kids – by design – are pretty powerless. So when they are able to get a strong emotional reaction from the big tough grown-up, they get back a little control over the world, and that’s immensely rewarding for them. You can see how this would interfere with their ability to learn something productive from the situation.

This is hard for some parents to do; talking and expressing emotion are pretty fundamental parts of being human. But you’re going to have to keep it to a minimum if you want discipline to be effective.

At the end of the day, you have three main jobs as a parent: Stop bad behavior, encourage good behavior, and strengthen your relationship with your child.

So how can you discipline in a way that will help you do these jobs? Keeping in mind the principles just looked at, let’s address the first role of parents: stopping unwanted or obnoxious behavior.

Controlling Obnoxious Behavior – As Easy As 1-2-3.

It’s coming up to 6 p.m., and you are preparing dinner for the family. Or at least you are trying to, but your four-year-old son is screaming on the floor at your feet because you had the audacity to tell him he couldn’t have a peanut butter sandwich. You’ve been here before – books have told you to ignore the behavior, your husband wants to spank the boy, your mother – bizarrely – has suggested a cold cloth on his face. Nothing works.

So today you are trying something new. You look down at the screaming toddler, hold up a finger, and calmly say two words: “That’s one.”

Getting Timeouts Right

Let’s say you’ve stuck to the rules, and your little monster has just thrown her food (or talked back, or whined about dinner) for the third time. You give her a “That’s three. Take five,” and … then what? There are a lot of options and alternatives when it comes to the timeout stage.

Firstly, you need to get them there. A lot of kids will quickly learn to go on their own, but in the early stages they might need a bit of encouragement. A step toward them should send them in the right direction, but if not, you might need to escort them – pulled gently by the arm, or carried kicking and screaming – to the timeout room. Just remember not to say a word.

Children Testing Boundaries

The 1-2-3 method is pretty frustrating for a kid, and when kids are frustrated by their parents there are only two things they can do: Tolerate the frustration and cooperate, or test, manipulate, and emotionally confuse the parent to get what they want.

If you’re lucky, your kid will learn to cooperate early on. However, if you have a manipulator you’ll need to learn to recognize it and respond appropriately.

Routines and Reinforcement

The 1-2-3 method is great for getting kids to stop doing unwanted things. But as you know, this is only one side of the parenting coin: There are endless things you need them to start doing – things like cleaning their room, getting ready for school, or doing homework.

The counting method will work – to an extent. The catch is, it can only be for smaller tasks. Counting creates a short burst of motivation, which is great if you want them to stop whining or throwing a ball inside, but won’t make a kid get ready for school. It’s best used for something that would take less than two minutes to do – like hanging up a jacket or brushing teeth.

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Worum geht es in 1-2-3 Magic?

1-2-3 Magic (1995) is a clear and thorough guide to one of the most difficult yet important aspects of parenting: discipline. By outlining essential parenting principles and demonstrating simple and immediately applicable techniques, it creates a roadmap for taking back control of your home and building a much more enjoyable relationship with your child. Whether your goal is to stop the bad behavior of a tantrum-prone toddler or encourage good behavior in your pre-teen, this revised sixth edition will give you the tools you need to discipline responsibly.

Wer 1-2-3 Magic lesen sollte

Overwhelmed parents of younger children who need to adopt a new approach to discipline
Exhausted carers of pre-teens who want to have more control over bad behavior
Anyone who feels like they spend more time fighting than having fun with their child

Über den Autor

Thomas W. Phelan is a clinical psychologist and expert on child discipline and attention deficit disorder. He has written several successful books on these topics, including All About Attention Deficit Disorder, "I Never Get Anything!" and Self-Esteem Revolutions in Children.

Kategorien mit 1-2-3 Magic

Elternschaft Kommunikation & Soft Skills

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