How Children Succeed summary

We’ve now seen that traumatic events can negatively impact children’s lives severely, but how exactly does this happen?

The first answer lies in our physiology. When we encounter stressful events, we undergo a biological stress reaction governed by three cerebral structures: hypothalamic, pituitary and adrenal. This cerebral trio, which forms the HPA axis, releases certain hormones into our bloodstream in times of stress that result in a variety of stress reactions.

While it is of course impossible to protect a child from stress completely, there is a simple remedy to the negative effects of stress on children: attentive, nurturing parenting.

In fact, studies have shown that even in stressful environments, a mother can almost completely compensate for her child’s physiological stress factors by being attentive and nurturing. This was evidenced by a lack of stress hormones in the urine of children with such mothers.

Every good parent wants to help their child to succeed in life. Perhaps the best way to do this is to first nail down what contributes to children’s success.

Recently, parents have relied on a theory called the cognitive hypothesis. It is based on the notion that the most powerful predictors of a child’s future success are cognitive abilities, like skills in math or word and pattern recognition, and moreover that these skills are best developed by providing the child with as much cognitive stimulation as possible from the earliest possible moment. This idea has also driven the rising demand for early childhood education products, such as the Baby Einstein videos.

Now that we know more about the power of non-cognitive skills, let’s look at three specific skills that relate to future success.

First, perseverance, or grit, is a good predictor of success later in life.

In the 1990s elementary and middle schools in the United States saw a new trend: many began supplementing academic training with “character education” programs.

These programs aimed to imbue students with “ethical” character traits like “honesty” and “respect.” Sadly, these ideals were too vague to be of practical use to students. In fact, later studies found that these character education programs had no significant impact on student success.

One might assume that due to their more abundant resources, affluent families could provide an environment for their children that helps them develop beneficial character traits. However, children of affluent families can also suffer from character issues; they simply tend to differ from those of, for example, the disadvantaged families whose children attend KIPP Academy.

One way in which children with affluent parents can suffer is that their parents tend to place them under a lot of performance pressure. Wealthy parents are more likely to insist on high achievement from their children while at the same time being emotionally distant; this is a recipe for feelings of shame and hopelessness, which themselves result in negative consequences.

Despite its uninspiring name, there’s something remarkable about Intermediate School 318 (IS 318) in New York. Although it is a public school in a poor neighborhood, it’s top dog when it comes to chess. This success is rooted in a surprising concept: understanding the importance of failure.

Although it may be uncomfortable, children must confront their mistakes head on so that they can gain insight from them. In order to foster this courage, Elizabeth Spiegel, who runs the chess program at IS 318, reviews every move her students make in a group, lauding good strategies, but more importantly pointing out bad moves and how they could have been improved.

The key message in this book:

Parents can do a lot to help their children succeed: Attentive, caring parents can mitigate the negative effects of childhood trauma and can also teach their children character strengths like grit, optimism and self-discipline. They can also teach children to confront and learn from mistakes.