The No Contact Rule summary

We all know that one couple. After a loving relationship, they ended things with a mature, drama-free breakup. They can bump into each other at parties without batting an eyelid and maintain a circle of mutual friends. They’re so well-adjusted it’s almost irritating. Why can’t your breakup go just as smoothly?

Time for some brutal honesty: Some couples do transition out of their relationships with ease. Most don’t. And in all likelihood, you and your ex won’t be that couple. Trying to stay in contact will just cause you a world of hurt. If that’s the case, go no-contact: cut off communication with your ex completely.

Are you ready? Good. Roll up your sleeves, because it’s time to go no-contact. This blink will tell you exactly how.

Going no-contact requires a bit of prep work. To begin with, unless you’re in an abusive relationship, the no-contact rule should never be deployed as a means of breaking up. If you’re still together and you want out, clearly communicate that things are over.

Some people need to go no-contact, but they just can’t bring themselves to do it. But that’s not you. You’d love to never hear from your ex again. Your stomach drops every time an email from them lands in your inbox, every time they call. 

Unfortunately, you can’t go no-contact for one simple reason: you and your ex are co-parenting. No-contact will never work for you. Right?

Perhaps you remember the first time it happened. You were fighting with your partner – it was the worst fight you’d ever had. And then you said it, or screamed it. That magic sentence that shut them up. Maybe it was, I can’t take this any more. Or, That’s it, we’re through, I’m leaving.

But that fight was far from the last. And soon your partner learned that you could take more of their bad behavior, because you always did. Or that the two of you weren’t through, because no matter how many times you threatened to leave, you always stayed.

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

Let’s start with the good news. Going no-contact gives you the space you need to grieve the loss of your relationship – and make no mistake, a breakup is a loss.

Okay, so you know taking the no-contact route is going to be tough. And you’re ready for it. But there’s a difference between knowing that you’ll be tempted to give in and make contact, and being able to stop yourself reaching for the phone after that third glass of wine.

How do you actually make no-contact work?

Let’s fast-forward. It’s been months since you and your partner broke things off. At first there were some late night text exchanges, a few instances of breakup sex when you were feeling at your most vulnerable, even an ill-fated attempt to get dinner together as “friends.”

Then you decided to go no-contact. It wasn’t easy, and you probably slipped up a few times along the way, but now you’re in a good place. A great place, in fact. You’ve accepted that your relationship is over. Your thoughts aren’t consumed by your ex. The boundary you drew when you broke up is stronger than ever.