Stumbling on Happiness summary

Let’s say that tonight you’re planning to go out to a pizzeria you’ve never been to before. You allow yourself to daydream about this little indulgence, and your imagination willingly conjures a very detailed scene of how you think the evening will unfold, right down to the waiter’s twirled moustache and the sizzling mozzarella cheese on your pizza. You can hardly wait!

The above is an example of how your mind can create a very vivid and credible prediction of the future based on just one simple piece of information: that you intend to eat pizza.

Have you ever done a week’s grocery shopping only to discover mid-week that you’ve completely underestimated the amount of food you needed? Interestingly, this could be because you made the mistake of doing your groceries on a full stomach.

People often mistakenly believe that their predictions about the future (like the amount of groceries they need to survive a week) are totally rational, but in fact our current emotional state strongly influences how we imagine future events.

When we see a product with a price tag, we usually have a gut feeling as to whether the price is fair or not. But how do we decide this?

Most of the time we use a simple measuring stick: does this item cost more or less than it did in the past? If the price has risen, we tend to feel it is now overpriced, whereas if the price has fallen, we feel we’re getting a bargain. Let’s say, for example, there are two identical but differently priced holiday packages: Package A, which costs $500 but was reduced from $600; and Package B, which is $400 but has increased from $300. Unbelievably, most people would choose Package A because they think it’s a bargain, despite the fact that it’s less value for their money.

Imagine you went camping and, as with most camping trips, you spent most of the time battling mosquitoes and sleeping on rough ground, or even jagged stones. Afterward, your memory of the event would probably be dominated by these mundane concerns and you’d think twice about going camping again.

Now imagine that, after spending a week enduring these conditions, you stumbled over a rock and found $100 buried underneath. It’s a good bet your memory of the trip would be transformed: This unexpected surprise would dominate your memories over the insects and sleeping discomfort. You might even think camping isn’t so bad after all.

Why do you think great ideas, like a recipe for delicious cheesecake, get passed around so widely and quickly? Quite simply, because people like to pass on ideas and advice that are accurate (i.e., true).

However, as anyone who’s ever heard an untrue rumour knows, inaccurate information can also be spread. But why would anyone wish to share misinformation? In fact, this only happens when it is in our own interests, and in the interests of the community, that the false belief is spread.

We like to think that, as individuals, we’re pretty unique. We’re convinced that we are in some way special and that everybody else is completely different from us. We feel this way not out of petty selfishness but because our brains are wired this way. Yet, this attitude causes us to make a grievous mistake: we think we’re so unique that we cannot possibly benefit from the help and advice of others.

Imagine you were thinking about quitting your job to go travelling around the world. You would probably sit there for hours on end, thinking about the pros and cons, mulling over the same thoughts again and again. Someone might suggest you talk to a friend who went on a world trip last year, but you shrug them off: that person was in a completely different situation, you think. You believe your thoughts and experiences are so unique that no-one else can offer relevant advice.

Which scenario do you think you would regret more: marrying a person who later becomes an axe murderer, or not marrying a person who later becomes a Nobel Prize-winning billionaire or movie star?

Surprisingly, the answer is the latter. This is because our brains are fundamentally wired to make even bad decisions look better in hindsight. When experiences are unpleasant, we quickly try to explain them in ways that make us feel better. So, while marrying that axe murderer may have been a mistake, we can always tell ourselves that we are stronger because of it, or that we’ve learned something valuable, like how to recognize signs of psychosis in other people.

From time to time, we all face unpleasant events in life. These range from minor things, like chipping a nail, to major disasters, like getting fired or your house burning down.

Strange as it might seem, we often feel worse after the trivial misfortunes than the more traumatic ones.

Imagine it’s your birthday and you’ve just received a fancy watch as a gift. Now ask yourself: If you could choose, would you like the gift to be exchangeable in case the store had something more your style?

Most people think that, in any given situation, it is always better to have more options. Yet, this is often false reasoning, because when we have options, we start wondering about whether one of the alternatives would be a better choice. If you know you have the choice to exchange the watch, you’ll probably examine it more critically, looking for reasons why you should exchange it.

Having a secret admirer who drops off gifts at your doorstep can be flattering and exciting. But if you find out who it is, chances are that you will feel a little deflated. This is because an explanation of those mystery gifts changes the way you feel about getting them.

Unexplained events and phenomena hold a special allure for us, for two reasons.

You probably know people who are wildly optimistic in their views – people who see every glass as being half-full and who think that every difficult situation has a silver lining.

You might wonder: How do these people manage to see everything in such a positive light? The reason is that they only see what they want to see; they surround themselves with information that backs up their positive worldview.

The key message of this book is:

We use our memories and imagination to make choices about our future. Yet, we are not aware of how our brains make these processes work. This lack of awareness leaves us prone to making mistakes when deciding about the future. Therefore, the choices we make will often leave us unhappy.