Untangle Your Emotions summary

Have you ever heard phrases like “suck it up” or “don’t make a scene” when you experienced intense emotions? 

Being told to ignore or suppress emotions is common. From childhood, many people receive subtle and not-so-subtle signals that feelings should be controlled, hidden, or overcome. Popular culture and even churches may treat emotions as irrational, unreliable, and dangerous.  

When difficult emotions well up inside of us, like sadness, anger or anxiety, it’s tempting to shut them down. We may cope by numbing ourselves with diversions, like binge-watching TV shows. Or we try to take control, handling situations in rigid ways that quash how we really feel. But this leaves us disconnected from our feelings, and ultimately burned out and just going through the motions.

God gave you emotions to connect you with Himself, your own heart, and others. So, how do you start feeling in the way that He intended?

Do you ever feel like you’re just going through the motions, disconnected from what’s really happening inside you? Many of us have lost touch with our emotional landscape. We reflexively say we’re fine when asked how we’re doing, even if it’s not true. But we can’t live wholeheartedly if we aren’t connected to our feelings. 

That’s why naming your emotions matters. Research shows that people with high “emotional granularity” – meaning the ability to distinguish nuances between feelings – have better health and relationships. But if you’ve gotten into the habit of numbing and suppressing your emotions, naming them is easier said than done. 

Emotions can seem like threads in a sweater. If you pull one loose thread, the whole thing unravels. That’s how some people see dealing with difficult emotions – like picking at a thread that could undo them. But there’s a healthier perspective: those tangled emotions are more like a knotted rope around your neck, and the only way forward is to patiently untie the knots. 

One good clue is to pay attention to your body. Remember that emotions don’t just show up in your mind; you experience them in your body too. Tight shoulders or nausea, for instance, can be a sign of anger or anxiety. Check in with yourself by asking open-ended questions like, “How does my body feel right now?”