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He’s Just Not That Into You

The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
12-minute read
Audio available
He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

He’s Just Not That Into You (2004) offers women useful advice on how to identify when a male love interest simply isn’t interested in them. The authors provide classic examples of the ways women make excuses for men’s disrespectful behavior, or how they fool themselves into thinking that a man’s lack of interest is their fault. By taking a refreshingly simple approach to men’s supposedly complicated mixed messages, this book empowers women to move on and find someone who is right for them.  

  • Anyone looking for help or advice on romantic relationships
  • Fans of Sex and the City
  • Psychology students

Greg Behrendt is an American author and comedian. He worked as a script consultant on the HBO series Sex and the City and has also hosted self-help television shows.

Liz Tuccillo was also a writer for Sex and the City and published her first novel, How to be Single, in 2008. The book was made into a feature film in 2016.

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He’s Just Not That Into You

The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
  • Read in 12 minutes
  • Audio & text available
  • Contains 7 key ideas
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He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Synopsis

He’s Just Not That Into You (2004) offers women useful advice on how to identify when a male love interest simply isn’t interested in them. The authors provide classic examples of the ways women make excuses for men’s disrespectful behavior, or how they fool themselves into thinking that a man’s lack of interest is their fault. By taking a refreshingly simple approach to men’s supposedly complicated mixed messages, this book empowers women to move on and find someone who is right for them.  

Key idea 1 of 7

He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you or asking you out.

Men still occupy most managerial roles in the workplace. They know how to command an office full of people, so why do so many women still dupe themselves into believing that men are incapable of picking up the phone and asking them out?

Too many women are far too eager to make excuses like, “Oh, maybe he’s just shy,” when they know deep down that’s not the case. Or, there’s the age-old excuse that he’s scared of ruining the friendship the two of you share, which women also readily accept.

At the end of the day, men like to get what they want. So, if he’s really into you, you’ll know it, because he’ll actively make an effort to pursue you in order to win you over.

When a man is attracted to a woman, either seeing her as a future girlfriend or just a hookup, he won’t be able to stop himself from trying to take things further; in other words, jeopardizing a friendship isn’t an issue for him. If a guy claims that he’s “scared” of ruining your friendship, what he’s actually saying is that he’s not into you.

To verify this claim, the authors of this book polled 20 of their male friends, aged 26 to 45, who were in long-term relationships. They found that none of their relationships started with the women asking them out first. In fact, one guy said outright that it would’ve spoiled the fun for him if his girlfriend had done so.

Another way some women try to excuse the fact that a guy hasn’t called them is by convincing themselves that he’s really busy. In reality, no guy is too busy to go for what they want.

The word “busy” serves as the weapon of mass destruction in relationships. Sure, it sounds like a reasonable excuse, but it’s used by men who can’t be bothered to call.

In the same poll, the authors found that 100 percent of the men they polled never found themselves too busy to call a woman that they were genuinely interested in.

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