The No Contact Rule Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus The No Contact Rule

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Zusammenfassung von The No Contact Rule

Name: The No Contact Rule
Rating: 4.5 (91 reviews)
Author: Natalie Lue

Natalie Lue

A guide to surviving your breakup with your self-respect in tow

4.5 (91 Bewertungen)

23 Min.

Kurz zusammengefasst

The No Contact Rule by Natalie Lue is a self-help book that provides guidance for those seeking closure and healing after a breakup. It offers practical tips for implementing the no contact rule to regain control, improve self-esteem, and move forward.

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What’s in it for me? Kick this bad breakup habit to the curb.

Ice cream binges. Rebound flings. Drastic new haircuts. Nights out on the town. These are all time-honored methods for working through that most painful of traumas: the breakup. But there’s one particularly addictive breakup rite of passage that you need to quit. You need to stop talking to your ex.

No late night texts. No Facebook stalking. No contact with their friends and family. And definitely no “for old times’ sake” sex. These blinks will tell you exactly why staying in touch with your ex can also mean trampling crucial boundaries, destroying your sense of self-worth, and undermining your attempts at closure. What’s more, they’ll show you how to make the no-contact route work for you.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why today’s couples have it tougher than ever before, breakup-wise;
how the no-contact method can break your toxic communication cycles; and
why you’re about to embark upon the most rewarding relationship of your life.

Breaking up well means severing your connection completely.

When the famous Roman general Mark Antony abandoned his wife, Octavia, for Cleopatra, she was brokenhearted . . . and the Roman Empire was plunged into civil war. Two of Henry VIII’s six wives lost their heads when they broke up with the monarch – quite literally.

As these epic historical breakups show, losing love has never been easy. But when it comes to a parting of the ways, contemporary couples are at a disadvantage. Technology and connectivity have changed the world for the better, but have made breaking up far worse.

The key message is: Breaking up well means severing your connection completely.

It’s never been more difficult to make a clean break. These days, your ex is only ever a text message, an Instagram-stalking-session, or, let’s be honest, a booty call away. You know sending that text is a bad idea, but you do it anyway.

Why?

Well, a lot of the time, you genuinely still have feelings for your ex. You’re clinging to the possibility that you’ll reunite. So you stay in touch. But making yourself emotionally or sexually available to your ex, positions you as a backup option. It signals you’ll give your ex the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment.

Social media has conditioned many of us to equate attention – any kind of attention – with affection. So, when your ex is still messaging you and giving you attention, you feel they’re giving you real affection. So you find pretexts to email or text, or comment on their Facebook updates hoping they’ll comment back.

Or perhaps your ex is persistently communicating with you and you feel obligated to respond out of a sense of kindness.

Hope for a reconciliation, hunger for affection, pity for an ex-partner – none of these are good reasons to stay in touch with an ex.

And here’s one excellent reason to cut contact entirely: when a couple breaks up, a boundary is drawn. That boundary says something about what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. It says “cheating is unacceptable” or “I need my partner to show me affection” or even “I love Star Wars and simply cannot date a trekkie.”

Any communication that is an attempt to keep this broken relationship alive, compromises that boundary. It signals to your partner, and more importantly to you, that your boundaries need not be respected. And that’s not on.

Decide if no-contact is the right path for you.

We all know that one couple. After a loving relationship, they ended things with a mature, drama-free breakup. They can bump into each other at parties without batting an eyelid and maintain a circle of mutual friends. They’re so well-adjusted it’s almost irritating. Why can’t your breakup go just as smoothly?

Time for some brutal honesty: Some couples do transition out of their relationships with ease. Most don’t. And in all likelihood, you and your ex won’t be that couple. Trying to stay in contact will just cause you a world of hurt. If that’s the case, go no-contact: cut off communication with your ex completely.

With planning and discipline, no-contact can be easy.

Are you ready? Good. Roll up your sleeves, because it’s time to go no-contact. This blink will tell you exactly how.

Going no-contact requires a bit of prep work. To begin with, unless you’re in an abusive relationship, the no-contact rule should never be deployed as a means of breaking up. If you’re still together and you want out, clearly communicate that things are over.

You can go no-contact while you co-parent.

Some people need to go no-contact, but they just can’t bring themselves to do it. But that’s not you. You’d love to never hear from your ex again. Your stomach drops every time an email from them lands in your inbox, every time they call.

Unfortunately, you can’t go no-contact for one simple reason: you and your ex are co-parenting. No-contact will never work for you. Right?

Go no-contact to break toxic communication cycles.

Perhaps you remember the first time it happened. You were fighting with your partner – it was the worst fight you’d ever had. And then you said it, or screamed it. That magic sentence that shut them up. Maybe it was, I can’t take this any more. Or, That’s it, we’re through, I’m leaving.

But that fight was far from the last. And soon your partner learned that you could take more of their bad behavior, because you always did. Or that the two of you weren’t through, because no matter how many times you threatened to leave, you always stayed.

Adopt strategies to ensure you stick to the no-contact rule.

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

Let’s start with the good news. Going no-contact gives you the space you need to grieve the loss of your relationship – and make no mistake, a breakup is a loss.

No-contact will ensure your relationship with you is the best it’s ever been.

Okay, so you know taking the no-contact route is going to be tough. And you’re ready for it. But there’s a difference between knowing that you’ll be tempted to give in and make contact, and being able to stop yourself reaching for the phone after that third glass of wine.

How do you actually make no-contact work?

No-contact will ensure your relationship with you is the best it’s ever been.

Let’s fast-forward. It’s been months since you and your partner broke things off. At first there were some late night text exchanges, a few instances of breakup sex when you were feeling at your most vulnerable, even an ill-fated attempt to get dinner together as “friends.”

Then you decided to go no-contact. It wasn’t easy, and you probably slipped up a few times along the way, but now you’re in a good place. A great place, in fact. You’ve accepted that your relationship is over. Your thoughts aren’t consumed by your ex. The boundary you drew when you broke up is stronger than ever.

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Worum geht es in The No Contact Rule?

The No Contact Rule is the tough-talking guide you need if you’re feeling battered by a breakup, can’t seem to let go of your ex, or are stuck in an on-again off-again relationship. Here you’ll find tips and tricks on how to find emotional distance, refocus on yourself, and finally attain closure.

Wer The No Contact Rule lesen sollte

Anyone who’s just been dumped;
Anyone who’s just dumped someone;
Everyone who just can’t seem to stop texting their ex.

Über den Autor

Natalie Lue is an expert on the breakup mistakes to avoid. Why? Because she’s made more than her fair share herself. But in 2005, tired of heartbreak, she challenged herself to break bad relationship habits and reclaim her sense of self. Now, she blogs and podcasts about relationships and breakups through her hugely popular Baggage Reclaim brand.

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