Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl summary

Have you ever had the experience of going on a wonderful date with someone, only to have them ghost you afterward? 

One of the biggest misconceptions that people have about unavailable men is that they’re not available at all. In fact, emotionally unavailable men are confusing because their behavior is so inconsistent. 

If you’ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you’ll be very familiar with the story line of the whirlwind romance. Two people meet up for coffee, and the next thing you know, you’re being subjected to a sickly sweet montage involving the couple dancing around in golden autumn leaves – and then heading straight down the aisle. 

In the movies, this is represented as the definition of true love. The couple is so crazy about each other that they can’t bear to be apart, not even to return home to fetch a toothbrush! In real life, though, encountering someone who comes on very strong very quickly could be a warning sign that you’re dealing with a partner who is actually emotionally unavailable. 

Are we keeping things casual? Is this a committed relationship? Are we just friends with benefits, or is there more to it? Mr. Unavailable will keep you asking these kinds of questions as long as you’re with him.

He thrives on shades of gray and ambiguity because that means he never has to be accountable to you. He loves booty calls and “casual” relationships where he can enjoy sex with no commitment. 

The guy you’ve just started dating tells you a gut-wrenchingly emotional story about his past. Perhaps his parents never gave him love and attention when he was young. Or his ex-wife cheated on him. As he talks, he gets so upset that tears stream down his face. You feel terrible and resolve to be his shoulder to cry on. You’ll show him that he is lovable, and that he can open himself up again.

A crying man appears to be in touch with his feelings. Unfortunately, in the case of Mr. Unavailable, you’re probably witnessing crocodile tears. They don’t signify emotional maturity. Instead, they’re a well-developed strategy of emotional manipulation. Mr. Unavailable tells you sob stories because they provide a convenient way to yet again avoid taking responsibility for his actions.

Women have wasted countless hours trying to understand Mr. Unavailable – analyzing every date and text, and trying to pinpoint what went wrong in the relationship. 

It’s a natural reaction to want to understand someone whose behavior is so erratic and seemingly inexplicable. But asking why Mr. Unavailable is unavailable is like asking how many stars there are in the sky. You’ll never find the answer. He could be damaged by a childhood trauma, or have a full-fledged narcissistic disorder, or simply not be that interested in you. None of those justifications matter. What does matter is that he’s not capable of building a healthy relationship with you. 

Fallback Girls come in many different shapes and sizes. But they all share one attribute: they accept and enable Mr. Unavailable’s unhealthy behavior in different ways. Let’s go through a few examples of the various Fallback Girls.

For example, some Fallback Girls normalize the fact that their partners blow hot and cold. These are Yo-yo Girls; they accommodate on-and-off relationships on whatever terms Mr. Unavailable chooses because they dread the finality of a break up. 

We’ve been hearing all about how to spot Mr. Unavailable, which may make it sound like the dating pool is dominated by these unsavory types. But the good news is that many men are emotionally available and have no problem with commitment. 

The only reason you haven’t found such a man so far is that you yourself have been emotionally unavailable. This might come as a shock. After all, haven’t you been furiously pursuing Mr. Unavailable and doing everything you could to make the relationship work?