Attached Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Attached

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Zusammenfassung von Attached

Name: Attached
Rating: 4.3 (260 reviews)
Author: Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

4.3 (260 Bewertungen)

15 Min.

Themen

Love The Psychology of Love Personality

Inhaltsübersicht

Attached
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What’s in it for me? Discover new ways of thinking about your relationships.

Have you ever wondered why you feel so uncomfortable when your relationship becomes too intimate? Or why you have so many insecurities and anxieties when it comes to relationships?

Attached provides answers to those very questions and more.

In the following blinks, you’ll discover the scientific foundations of romantic relationships and their roots in our evolutionary past. In addition, you’ll find how different people actually seek out different kinds of relationships based on their attachment style.

By understanding the reasons why people behave in certain ways in a relationship, you’ll be able to better manage the difficulties in your own relationship and grasp what you truly need for a successful partnership.

In these blinks, you’ll also learn

how being in an unsatisfying relationship can actually make you physically ill;
what to do when your date still hasn’t “made a move”; and
how much control you actually have over the quality of your relationships.

Everybody needs attachment to live a healthy and happy life.

We’re all familiar with that creeping feeling when we know our partner won’t be around for a while: distress. What is it that causes this feeling?

The distress of being away from our partner is caused by our feelings of attachment for one another.

But what exactly is attachment?

Attachment is a strong bond that two people share with each other, a bond which lasts over time and also forms a special need to keep in contact with one another. It could take the form of a mother-child relationship, or the form of a romantic relationship between two adults.

Interestingly, forming these bonds comes with many benefits. Having a close personal relationship with someone gives us a secure emotional foundation, which then helps us remain calm even in strenuous situations.

Being able to hold your partner’s hand during times of stress, for example, gives you support, knowing that this special someone will help you through the trouble. This connection makes even the most distressing situations feel much less frightening.

This was verified in a study that aimed to find out more about the healing effects of attachment by placing female participants in a stressful situation, but giving some participants the opportunity to hold their partner’s hand.

Researchers found that when a participant was able to hold her partner’s hand, her hypothalamus, that is the part of the brain that makes us feel emotional pressure, was less active than when she had to endure the stress alone.

Conversely, those who lack the bonds created by attachment are at greater risk of unhappiness and serious health risks.

In fact, when we find ourselves in an unhappy relationship, we don’t only suffer emotionally but also physically.

For example, if you aren’t satisfied with your marriage, your partner’s presence will actually raise your blood pressure due to the discomfort you feel when you’re around them. As long as you are in their proximity, your blood pressure will remain high, which can eventually lead to serious medical problems, such as heart disease.

The basic need for attachment is in our genes and is influenced by our life experiences.

If you have ever been in a relationship, then you know that, from time to time, our partners drive us crazy! Yet, in spite of this, we still love them and long for that love to be requited.

But why? Where does attachment come from?

People with an anxious attachment style need intimacy and tend to fret about their relationships.

As you’ve learned, we all have a strong need for attachment. However, we don’t all experience these attachments in the same way: we differ in our attitudes toward relationships and how we think they should function.

These differences help us categorize the different types of people whose attachment style predicts their behavior in romantic situations. Let’s start with the first: an anxious attachment style.

Having an avoidant attachment style means a person craves independence in a relationship.

Imagine being in a relationship in which you feel totally confined: your partner seems too needy, and you can’t understand why it’s so important to completely depend on any one person.

Does this sound familiar to you? If so, then you probably have an avoidant attachment style.

People with a secure attachment style “go with the flow,” and are also the most common.

When it comes to relationships, most of us don’t want to settle: we want to find that perfect partner, the person who gives us space when we feel confined and cuddles up next to us when we feel lonely.

Believe it or not, this type of person isn’t just the stuff of fairytales! These people are real, and they exhibit a secure attachment style.

Effective communication will ensure that you find the best partner and keep that partner.

No two relationships are ever the same. Each comes with its own strengths and weaknesses. So what can you do to guarantee happiness in your relationship?

The answer is simple, whatever your attachment style: effective communication. Indeed, directly expressing your needs and concerns will make it much easier to figure out whether your potential partner is right for you.

Knowing how to deal with conflicts will make a relationship work.

Unfortunately, conflict is part of any relationship. But would you have thought that fighting with your partner can actually make you happier?

For a happy relationship, it’s not so important how much you disagree with your partner, but how you do it.

Don’t waste your time with a partner who cannot fulfill your needs in a relationship.

Think back on all those romantic Hollywood films you’ve seen. It’s always the same story: the boy gets the girl and they live happily ever after, no matter how different their needs are. The message is clear: “true love” has the power to make any relationship work.

But this simply isn’t so.

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Worum geht es in Attached?

Attached (2010) is all about how to make your relationships work. This book offers you valuable insight into the science of adult attachment and how to use this insight in everyday life, whether you’re in a committed relationship or are still looking for love. It also provides tips and tricks on how to find the perfect partner and reveals why some people just aren’t compatible.

Bestes Zitat aus Attached

In a true partnership, both partners view it as their responsibility to ensure the others emotional well-being.

—Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

Wer Attached lesen sollte

Anyone who wants to make a current relationship happier and more fulfilling
Anyone who is struggling to find “the one”
Anyone who just doesn’t understand why their relationships never work out

Über den Autor

Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller are close friends who decided to write a book to help others make better decisions in their romantic lives.

Dr. Levine grew up in Israel and is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He is also the principal investigator for a research project sponsored by the National Institutes of Health. Heller graduated from Columbia University with a master’s degree in social-organizational psychology, and has worked for a number of management consulting firms, including PriceWaterhouseCoopers, KPMG Consulting and Towers Perrin.

Kategorien mit Attached

Psychology Sex & Relationships

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