What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew summary

When Ella, aged 16, arrives home from school, she dumps her bag by the door and goes straight to the kitchen. She’s already on the couch with a snack and her phone when Andrea, her mother, walks in the door. 

Andrea knows her daughter has homework, but when she asks Ella about it, the teen just snaps. Most of the time, they end up in a heated argument over school and Ella’s work ethic. The homework is always left unfinished. 

Rick knows that his son, Kevin, is bright. With the right support and subject choices, he’s a sure shot for the college of his dreams. The only problem is that Kevin absolutely refuses to take an Honors English course. 

Compassion is the second of the 5 C’s of ADHD parenting. Meeting your child with Compassion means trying to meet your child where they are, not where you think they should be. It’s thinking about their actions in context, rather than making superficial judgements about them being ungrateful or lazy, or just plain not listening to you.  

Most children with ADHD receive a barrage of corrective feedback throughout the day. They’re constantly being told that they’re doing something wrong, making a mess, or discovering they’ve lost something important. You can tell them to pick up their socks until you’re blue in the face, but somehow it doesn’t seem to sink in. 

When you collaborate with your child instead of telling them what to do, you empower them to be part of the solution to their problems. It’s especially powerful to help them be more invested in following through with a plan and ensures that they develop a sense of control over their lives that children or teens with ADHD often lack. 

Once you’ve built a plan together, it’s time to carry it through. The key to developing new habits or behaviors is consistency, both for your child and for you. 

Consistency is doing what you say you’re going to do as much as you can. If you’ve agreed with your daughter that she can only go out on the weekend if her room is clean, stick to that. If her room isn’t clean, tell her she’s got to clean it before you’ll drive her to her friend’s place. 

Celebrate your child’s successes. These might be big celebrations, like taking them out for dinner when they get a good grade, but the small, day-to-day celebrations are almost more important. Something as simple as acknowledging when they’re following the plan you agreed on can be powerful in reinforcing that behavior. 

“I noticed you woke up early today to do homework like we talked about. That’s wonderful!” 

The 5 C’s of ADHD parenting provide a roadmap to guide your child to success. With self-control, you model emotional regulation. Compassion builds trust and understanding. Collaboration empowers your child to be part of the solution. Consistency helps new behaviors stick. And celebrating successes, both big and small, fosters confidence and motivation. 

Parenting a child with ADHD brings unique challenges, but also unique joys as you witness their growth. By following the 5 C’s, you become your child’s ally. Your relationship deepens through cooperation, not correction. With time and teamwork, your child will thrive with their unique brain. The 5 C’s help you appreciate their strengths while developing the skills they need to flourish.