Change Your Game summary

An old parable captures something essential about how leadership actually works. A grandfather sits with his grandson, who’s just been bullied and is full of anger toward his aggressors. The grandfather explains he feels like two wolves live inside him. The White Wolf does no harm, lives in harmony with the world, and embodies everything good. The Red Wolf seethes with anger, ready to fight anyone over the smallest provocation. The grandson asks which wolf wins. The grandfather’s answer: “Whichever one I feed.”

This is cause and effect applied to character. Whatever you focus on grows. Whatever you practice strengthens. If you channel energy toward kindness, empathy, and responsibility – your Leadership Wolf – those qualities compound. If you feed unreliability, rudeness, and apathy – your Red Wolf – those accumulate instead.

After WWII, the US Air Force needed a new cockpit design. So they looked for an “average pilot” on which to model the new cockpits. But out of all their pilots – over 4,000 of them – not one fit the average size across all the categories! Not a single pilot was average.

The solution was ingenious: adjustable seats and straps that could adapt to each pilot’s unique body. This saved lives by embracing a simple truth: there is no standard human.

Studies show that roughly two-thirds of young adults suffer from serious loneliness. Think about that statistic. In the most connected era in human history, with infinite ways to communicate, loneliness is epidemic. And what do these lonely people need? The same thing everyone needs: to feel genuinely cared for.

Even a simple “How are you?” asked with authentic concern can change someone’s entire day. This is true for everyone, from your schoolmates to big sports stars travelling the world to play. This isn’t abstract advice – it’s the foundation of meaningful leadership. And at its core is empathetic listening.

Have you ever seen someone positively influenced by criticism and put-downs? Mitchell hasn’t either. Yet so many people default to Team Shade – judging, criticizing, manipulating others for personal benefit. They throw shade and wonder why people don’t follow them.

Team Sun operates differently. These people lift others up with their words. They serve rather than use. They look for good in people and amplify it. Team Sun feeds your White Wolf. Team Shade feeds your Red Wolf.

There are many principles to being a good leader. We’ve covered a bunch of them. But there are also countless hurdles and distractions along the path. The biggest traps are what Mitchell calls “the Four ‘-isms’ of the Leadership Apocalypse”: tribalism, racism, sexism, and materialism.

Tribalism is treating a group as lesser because they’re not your own group. US politics drowns in this. Politicians exploit tribal loyalty, spewing hatred about the other party to gain power. Racism means treating someone as inferior based on their race. Sometimes it’s blatant, like George Floyd’s killing by excessive police force. Sometimes it’s subtle – cultural references that encode racist stereotypes, assumptions about people based on how they look.

The most important freedom you have as an individual is choosing how to spend your time. Ask someone in prison – their freedom has been stripped away. Ask someone with a drug addiction – the substance calls the shots, not them.

Now consider social media. Platforms make tens of billions of dollars every year selling your attention to advertisers. Their business model requires keeping you hooked. And they’re extraordinarily good at it – better every year as algorithms get more sophisticated.

Let’s close with one of leadership’s greatest powers: learning from experience, including mistakes. In other words, growth.

Start with a heat check. You might watch some highlights of Michael Jordan and think, “I can shoot like that.” Heat check – you’re not Michael Jordan. But you can be inspired by him to go practice and improve.