I Shouldn't Feel This Way summary

It can happen to the best of us. You’re going about your day when, for one reason or another, the inner voice starts to take over your thoughts. You feel overwhelmed – perhaps even resentful toward your partner, family, or friends. You love them, but lately it’s like you can’t stand them. 

A potent mix of guilt and frustration is building up. You tell yourself you shouldn’t feel this way. But maybe these feelings are there for a reason. Maybe you’re at the crossroads, and before you can forge ahead with a renewed spirit, work needs to be done.

People tend to push away uncomfortable feelings – to respond to these emotions with guilt messages and pseudo solutions. We tell ourselves to toughen up, be less sensitive, or be more grateful. But this path only creates a cycle of chaos in our minds. Instead of finding relief, we end up beating ourselves up even more when the frustrating emotions reappear time and again.

It’s time to try something different: What if you took that inner turmoil as a signal to pause and reflect? Your mind is trying to tell you something important. By stopping the cycle of self-criticism and instead focusing on being curious about, accepting, and understanding your feelings, you can create space for clarity and action. This acceptance might seem daunting, but it’ll actually make you feel better.

Cook offers a process called “Name. Frame. Brave.” This involves naming what’s hard, framing your reality, and bravely forging a new path. It’s about noticing your thoughts and feelings, reflecting on them, and then taking action. The process isn’t a quick fix, but it is a powerful tool for gaining clarity and making meaningful changes in your life.

So let’s start with the first step: naming what’s hard. This means taking a good look at your inner experiences and validating them. It’s not about reacting impulsively but paying attention to what’s happening inside you.

One helpful practice is journaling. Writing down what you’re experiencing can provide clarity, especially when it comes to understanding what triggers a particular feeling. Did someone’s words or actions affect you? By naming the external event, you gain insight into the internal turmoil it caused. And then by identifying and labeling what it made you feel – be it lonely, burned-out, depressed, anxious, or discouraged – you can start the long-term process of calming and strengthening your mind.

This honest acknowledgment will help you move forward. As you continue your practice, you’ll find that clarity naturally leads to action, helping you transform your inner turmoil into brave steps toward a more fulfilling life.