Drama Free summary

Tiffany’s mother is not good with money. After a childhood spent being evicted for unpaid bills, adult Tiffany regularly finds herself bailing out her mom whenever she runs into financial trouble; she sends her money or gives her a place to stay when she can’t afford rent. Tiffany loves her mother … but it’s starting to be too much.

First off, it’s important to realize that in a situation like this, two things can be true: you’re allowed to be upset and hurt by a family member’s behavior, and still love them. So, if you accept that you can’t change someone else, what are your options here?

Jacob never had a good relationship with his father, Bruce. Though undiagnosed, Bruce had a lot of symptoms of mental illness – he was paranoid, agitated, and often verbally aggressive. This created a huge strain on the relationship. Jacob tried everything – changing himself, trying to accept the situation, suggesting therapy – but nothing stuck. He knew he had to end the relationship with his dad. The only question was, “How?”

Making the decision to cut ties with a family member isn’t easy, especially when mental illness is involved. It’s common for things like anxiety, depression, or personality disorders to go ignored and untreated among family members – major problems are often dismissed by saying, “That’s just who they are.” And even when treated, the situation doesn’t always improve.

Dan didn’t see much of his dad growing up. His older siblings moved out when he was young, so he didn’t have them around either. While his mom worked, he stayed with his neighbors, the Reddings, and their two kids. As Dan got older, the Reddings remained an important part of his life – they attended his graduation and went on vacation with him and his mother. These days, Dan is grown with his own children, but Mr. and Mrs. Redding are like grandparents to them. In many meaningful ways, the Reddings are more like family than Dan’s own father and siblings.

You see, family is a lot more than blood. It’s the people who are close to you – who you know and love and feel safe around. If your biological family can’t give you what you need, it’s possible, and even recommended, that you look for that support elsewhere.

The stories of dysfunctional families are as varied as they are complicated. There’s Anthony, struggling to reconnect with his father who entered his life after years of absence. There’s Sierra, who resents the brother her parents seemed to favor. There’s Avery, whose family descends into arguments over a deceased grandfather’s unfair will. 

It’s hard to offer one-size-fits-all advice for these kinds of situations, but there are some tendencies specific to different family roles. In this final section, you’ll learn some ways to troubleshoot relationships with different family members.

You can’t make somebody else change in a dysfunctional relationship. But you can change yourself. The traumas we carry from childhood can be overwhelming, and the relationships we hold with our parents, siblings, or other relatives are unique and complex. Finding the courage to recognize and address these relationship problems can be both liberating and terrifying – but it’s one of the most important forms of self-care that you can undertake.

Whether you’re setting or redefining boundaries, or considering ending contact with a problematic family member, never forget that you are an adult: you can choose your relationships and how you live your life.