Women Rowing North summary

In most societies throughout history, the job of caring for children, the elderly and the ill has fallen to women. In twenty-first-century America, little has changed thus far. Just like her mother and grandmother who came before her, the author and her generation of women were taught the importance of female sacrifice and encouraged to put the needs of others before their own.

For most older women, providing care for those around them is nothing new. It’s likely they’ve already spent half a lifetime looking after the needs of their children, helping neighbors, bringing casseroles to friends’ families in times of need and making hospital visits to sick relatives. However, as women enter their sixties and seventies, the demands of caregiving can suddenly seem overwhelming.

Marlene, another older woman the author spoke to, grew up poor and has remained in poverty. Divorced, living in subsidized housing and forced into a career she didn’t choose due to her lifelong epilepsy, Marlene could easily have let herself be miserable. But her life motto? “I choose joy.” Remarkably, Marlene reports that she is happy.

We might assume that Marlene’s humble circumstances rule out happiness. However, research by psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky has found that external circumstances only partially contribute to our overall happiness. Our genetics determine as much as 50 percent of how happy we are. The remainder comes down to a mix of attitude, behavior and circumstances. This research should speak to older women in particular. While it’s often not possible to change situations or events, we can alter our attitudes and behaviors.

When Nora retired, she and her husband Roger wanted to give something back to their community. After realizing that their suburban neighborhood was lacking a local park, they started raising funds and seeking permission to create one. And after four years of organizing volunteers and marshaling resources, their park was ready. It will continue to serve the community long after Nora and Roger are gone.

Nora’s story goes to show that retirement doesn’t need to be a time of powering down. Instead, it’s the perfect time in your life to take action – and you can do that close to home. Working within the community is perfectly suited to older women.  

Women have been working alongside other women for millennia, bringing up children together, singing together over campfires and grieving for the dead together. Today, women still seek each other’s friendship. However, in the twenty-first century, it can be difficult to maintain these precious bonds. Not only does catching up with friends often take planning, long-distance travel and commitment, but modern culture also places little value on sustaining meaningful, lifelong friendships.

In our earlier lives, we had work commitments and family to keep us busy and give our lives purpose. This often changes once we hit our sixties, when our children have flown the nest. We may be divorced or widowed, and our careers are behind us or soon will be. When these areas of life require less attention, we rely on our friends to bring hope, joy and intimacy into our lives. They keep everything in perspective, listen to us without judgment and help us laugh at our troubles. In other words, our friendships in later life give us the understanding, comfort and companionships that we need to flourish.

When the author saw her friend Jackie, she was struck by how frail and thin she looked. Though she was not yet sixty, Jackie had terminal cancer. Sitting on a bench overlooking a peaceful lake, the two friends talked. As they did, the author had a realization. Jackie was not only suffering from heartache as she made the journey to her life’s end. She was also experiencing bliss.

Terminal illness and the last steps toward life’s conclusion can be a distressing time replete with pain, anger and worry. But this period of life also holds opportunities for transcendent contentment, joy and bliss.