The Passion Paradox summary

If the biological mechanisms that kindle a passion aren’t so removed from those of drug addiction, it’s probably important to consider the method by which we find – and grow – our passions.

Look at passion in the context of romance. We often think we’re destined to fall in love with our soul-mate and that we’ll only be able to truly love that one person. But searching for “the one” can lead to an impossible quest for finding the perfect fit, an all-or-nothing approach that passion researchers call the fit mind-set. Studies show that 78 percent of us think this way – and not just when it comes to romance. We think we need to feel passion immediately after starting a new job or activity and that this is the only way that new pursuits can result in long-term happiness.

There was once a CEO of a major company who valued passion above everything else. He only employed the most passionate people, and he expected his whole organization to emulate his high level of performance. Under his stewardship, Fortune named the organization America’s “most innovative large company,” and it was valued at $60 billion.

This company was called Enron, and its CEO was Jeffrey Skilling. But Enron no longer exists, as Skilling’s relentless passion for enriching both himself and Enron’s shareholders led to one of the biggest corporate fraud cases in modern history. When the dust settled, Skilling was behind bars and Enron had declared bankruptcy.

The sad truth is that our fast-paced, results-driven modern society can often cause our passions to become obsessive or driven by fear. This is because we often favor quick fixes over long-term skill development, and instant social media “likes” have become the new currency of recognition for our efforts. All in all, it can be hard to slow down and enjoy our passions purely for their own sake.

This is where the pursuit of harmonious passions comes in. We engage in harmonious passions only for the joy they bring us, not for the potential rewards or recognition that their obsessive or fear-fueled cousins require. And it turns out that when we do this, we’re actually more likely to attain those external rewards and reach our goals.

We’ve all heard the mantra over and over again – balance is a necessary part of living a happy life. Countless self-help books have preached this message for decades, proclaiming that it’s possible both to pursue your passion relentlessly and to spend an equal amount of time and energy on other important aspects of life, such as your family.

But this is where a second passion paradox comes in – achieving your passion and living a balanced life are antithetical to each other. Even the harmoniously passionate individual must be completely consumed and singularly focused on achieving mastery. Living a passion-filled existence can indeed involve, as its original meaning implied, a certain amount of suffering and sacrificing time and energy that would be spent elsewhere.

Whether it happens voluntarily or not, giving up a passion that you’ve spent years cultivating can be a very distressing process. After all, for those who’ve practiced their passions according to the principles of the mastery mind-set, their passion inevitably defines who they are. You might have started out having an interest in writing, but by developing your passion, you became a writer. This transformation embodies a process through which our passion becomes an integral part of who we are and how we orient ourselves in the world.

Having to give up a passion can even result in destructive behavior, a danger for people like aging athletes and artists who can no longer make ends meet. After all, passions transform our physical and psychological selves; we become accustomed to the dopamine that practicing our passion produces, and when we’re no longer receiving it, that leaves a void. This void can be a recipe for substance abuse, gambling or other sorts of regrettable activities. This can even be the point at which the fine line between passion and drug addiction that we’ve discussed finally gets crossed.