The Silent Language of Leaders summary

Do you cross your arms when asking a question? If so, stop! It doesn’t matter if you’re crossing your arms because you’re cold. Body language is in the eye of the beholder. The conversation partner interprets it in his own way, regardless of your intentions.

When we meet a leader, we subconsciously judge his warmth and authority right away. You convey warmth through more “open” body language, like facing your speaking partner, synchronizing your movements with his, nodding, smiling and keeping your arms and legs uncrossed.

Just as communication isn’t only about choosing the right words, negotiating isn’t only about strong arguments and leverage. When it comes to negotiating, nothing is more persuasive than body language.

MIT studied the impact of body language by having business executives present business ideas to each other while wearing a device that recorded their tonal variety, vocal nuance and nods. The device accurately predicted to what extent an executive would convince the jury, based purely on their body language. Standing upright, facing the jury and speaking in a lower tone all increased the chance the jury would be convinced.

In order to impose any kind of meaningful change in business, all your team members need to be on board. Humans are hardwired against change, however, and naturally want to do things as they’re used to doing them.

So people need to be motivated into change. How? The best method is through positive emotions. If even just one of your team members shows resistance to change with her body language, it can spread to the other members like a virus.

Body language, especially positive body language, is also crucial to fostering good working relationships with others.

If you let your gaze wander while a person is speaking, for instance, they’ll feel unimportant or left out. That could lead to them withdrawing and losing motivation in whatever you’re working on together.

We all know that women and men are equally capable of being excellent leaders. But there are major differences in how male and female leaders communicate. Why? Once again, it goes back to the brain.

For instance, men and women process emotions differently. Both men and women have mirror neurons, but in male brains, another system (the temporoparietal junction) takes over shortly after the mirror neurons are fired. This system causes men to focus more on analysis and problem solving. In contrast, female brains continue processing emotions longer.

What does it mean when a person puts his thumb and forefinger together to create a circle? Your answer depends on where you’re from. In the US it means “OK,” in France it means “worthless” or “zero,” in Japan it relates to money and in some places it’s considered obscene. It’s a gesture that can create a lot of misunderstanding.

These cultural differences are more and more obvious in our increasingly diverse world. So it’s important to know how to adjust your behavior in formal situations, by being stronger in Arab countries for example, or softer in the US.