Don’t Take Yes for an Answer summary

Ina was a senior executive for a midsize organization. It was her job to make investment recommendations to the executive team. She was technically competent and a hard worker. But her presentation skills were abysmal. Her delivery was so flat that no one trusted her judgment. And millions of dollars were at stake.

Author Steve Herz was called in to coach her, but Ina wasn’t committed to the process. And you couldn’t blame her. No one had told her that her communication skills needed to improve, so she saw the training as a low priority. If management had been upfront, Ina may have taken their feedback seriously. Instead, she ended up losing her job without understanding why.

History is full of great leaders who knew how to rouse the masses. Winston Churchill’s stirring addresses carried Britain through World War II. Mahatma Gandhi’s calm determination led to India’s independence. And recordings of Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech continue to inspire people to fight for civil rights.

What makes leaders like this so compelling is their deep belief in their cause. Their delivery styles vary, but they all understand that you can win people’s trust when you communicate with clarity and confidence. And once you have their trust, you can influence them to follow you.

Steve Jobs is renowned for transforming a nearly-insolvent Apple into one of the most successful global brands. Jobs had an authoritative presence, and he evoked it without ever wearing a suit. His trademark ensemble of wire-rimmed glasses, a black turtleneck, jeans, and sneakers made him relatable to his audience. Tech-obsessed Apple users around the world saw themselves in his geeky ensemble.

But Jobs’ air of authority didn’t rely solely on his wardrobe. He also knew how to carry his body. From his commanding gait to his upright posture, Jobs presented himself as a leader. And this, combined with his understanding of how to win people’s trust and respect, elevated him to celebrity status.

Some time ago, the author was in his first year of running IF Management – a talent agency for news journalists. At this point, he was busy building his reputation and client list. One day, an ambitious, young newscaster contacted him, looking for representation. When she came to the office, he saw that she had huge potential. So he tried his best to impress her with his most interesting stories. He was sure they’d hit it off.

But after the meeting, the author’s colleague predicted they’d never hear from the newscaster again. And he was right. Instead of having a conversation about the newscaster’s career, Herz had delivered a monologue about himself. He’d exhibited authority but had shown no warmth, which meant he’d failed to connect.

NBC’s Today show weatherman – Al Roker – is the epitome of warmth. Open and relaxed, his friendly smile quickly puts people at ease. But it’s more than just that.

The author once shared office space with Roker in Manhattan’s legendary Fisk building. At that point, Roker was already a household name. But he still made the author feel like the most important person in the room. But Herz noticed this wasn’t special treatment. Roker gave this kind of attention to everyone he met. And it made him universally loved.

In his first year of studying law at Vanderbilt University, the author took a mandatory constitutional law class. This course was notoriously dry. But that year, a new professor called Barry Friedman taught the class. And he was captivating. Despite his slight stature, Friedman owned the room. He knew how to build a story around his content, and how to deliver that story compellingly.

Every class was an immersive experience. Moving around the lecture hall, Friedman started slow and built to a crescendo. It was like listening to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven. With energy buzzing through him, Friedman roused the class by illustrating how constitutional law influenced their everyday lives. He was so inspiring that Herz signed up for every one of his classes.

Imagine you’re about to give a speech to a large audience. As you nervously wait to be called on stage, thoughts about failure run through your head. What if you make a mistake? What if you get stage fright? What will people think of you?

You step out onto the stage, and you feel your hands and knees shaking. There’s a noticeable wobble in your voice. You’re starting to sweat. You’re so hounded by fears of being judged that you can barely stumble through your speech.