The 5 Love Languages Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus The 5 Love Languages

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Zusammenfassung von The 5 Love Languages

Name: The 5 Love Languages
Rating: 4.5 (768 reviews)
Author: Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman

The Secret to Love That Lasts

4.5 (768 Bewertungen)

20 Min.

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The 5 Love Languages
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What’s in it for me? Bring renewed attention to how you communicate with your partner.

English, Mandarin, Swahili, Quechua: the world is full of languages, and most of us don’t understand a single word if a person talks to us in a language we don’t speak. In fact, trying to communicate without a shared language is fertile ground for misunderstanding, conflict and resentment. Luckily, however, most of us speak the same language as our partner. Or do we?

Actually, in a sense, we really don’t. There are different languages or ways to express love, and understanding your own and your partner’s primary way of communicating is a crucial part of any good relationship or marriage. In these blinks you will learn about the human need for love, the way love is communicated between people and how to identify the love language you speak.

In these blinks, you’ll discover

how Mark’s and Andrea’s marriage was lost in translation;
why being in love only lasts for two years; and
how a bad Christmas gift can influence communications with your partner.

Love is a human need that’s defined by your emotional well-being.

If there’s one word in the English language that’s both absolutely essential and totally confusing it’s the word “love.” But despite its countless meanings, philosophers and religious thinkers alike agree that love is essential to a full and fulfilling life.

So how should you think about love?

Well, first of all it’s important not to get confused by the word’s many definitions. Instead you should concentrate on the type of love that’s key to your emotional health. So, while we use the word in countless ways – in reference to objects like ice cream, cars or jewelry; to describe our feelings about activities like jogging, hiking and dancing; and when talking about emotional connections to parents or partners – we also use it to pin down a romantic feeling.

And the easiest way to define what love means to you is to take a look at the sources of your emotional fulfillment. That’s because the need to be loved and appreciated is rooted deep in human nature. For instance, child psychologists have shown that all children have emotional needs that, if left unmet, can result in emotional instability.

The most important ones?

Love and affection.

So, love is clearly important and you need a way to measure it. One way to gauge whether your emotional needs are being met is to pay attention to your love tank. Just as a car can’t drive without gas, you can’t function without love, and if your need for love and affection isn’t adequately met you’ll end up with an empty tank. Keeping your love tank full is an essential component of a healthy marriage. All solid marriages require fuel.

For example, the author has a client who thinks that financial gain and material possessions can’t compensate for an empty love tank. The way he sees it, a fancy house, expensive cars and a beach house don’t mean anything if your wife doesn’t love you.

Relationships change as the joy of falling in love fades; communication is the only solution.

You might have noticed that there’s always some new expert or book claiming to know the secret to long-lasting marriage. Yet plenty of couples still struggle to keep their love afloat after the honeymoon period, when the euphoria of falling in love starts to wane. It makes you wonder how being in love affects us, doesn’t it?

Well, being in love makes us view the world through rose-tinted glasses. Here’s how:

People feel and express love differently, and understanding your partner’s love language is key to a long-lasting relationship.

Most people know that language consists of more than mere words – there’s body language, for instance, and tone of voice. Well, the language of love is equally complex. That’s because different people perceive love in different ways, and use different words and actions to express it. Essentially, we all speak a different love language.

So, just like being multilingual can be to your advantage, understanding the different ways love is expressed will help you build a strong, happy relationship. But this requires couples to devote the necessary time to discovering the nuances of one another’s love language. It’ll be worth the effort, though, because that’s the surest route to filling your partner’s love tank – a tool that will help you and your partner excel while supporting your relationship.

Positive, uplifting words of affirmation are a powerful way to express love.

Have you heard of the Greek philosopher Xenophon, one of Socrates’s students? Most people haven’t, but he said something that still rings true today: praise is the sweetest of all sounds. Words of admiration, praise and encouragement – nothing is sweeter.

In fact, this is the idea behind the love language that’s called words of affirmation. Here’s how to speak it:

Spend quality time with your partner.

The modern age is a time of incessant distraction and time is one of our most valued commodities. As a result, too many couples get distracted from the heart of romance – spending time together. This brings us to the second love language: quality time.

The key to this language?

Gifts are visual symbols of love and surprising your partner with regular presents, regardless of their monetary value, is a great way to show affection.

Take a look at any culture, from the Mayans of long ago to the modern Eskimos living in the northern tundra, and you’ll see that giving gifts is a part of every marital process. Considering how central the giving of gifts is in all marriages, it’s essential to understand the love language of receiving gifts.

Here’s how it works:

Doing useful things for your partner is a common way to express love.

Does your partner often wish you would clean up after dinner, take out the trash or wash the car? If so, their primary love language might be acts of service. But how can you attend to this language?

The best way is to intentionally do helpful things for your partner. These acts of service are essentially things you know your partner would appreciate your handling – things like vacuuming or paying the bills, for example, or maybe grocery shopping, helping the kids with their schoolwork or taking the dog to the vet.

Physical touch is a powerful way to show your love.

Did you know that babies who are caressed, held and kissed go on to lead healthier emotional lives than those who aren’t? It’s true, and it should come as no surprise that physical touch is some people’s primary love language.

If it’s your partner’s main language you can communicate your love through physical touch – things like holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse. It’s easy to incorporate such gestures into everyday life by holding your partner’s hand when in church or on your way to the movies. You can also try hugging and kissing your partner when someone else is around; it’s sure to make them feel extra appreciated.

Pinpoint your primary love language.

All right, now you know the five love languages, but how can you tell which one is your primary one? It’s actually pretty easy to find out:

First, ask yourself what you most often request of your partner. It’s likely that the things you ask for the most are the things that you find most emotionally fulfilling. Then follow your instincts and consider what comes to mind when you want to feel truly appreciated. Perhaps it’s spending time with someone or receiving praise.

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Worum geht es in The 5 Love Languages?

The 5 Love Languages (2015) is a contemporary guide to developing a relationships of lifelong love that can easily overcome the hurdles that modern couples face. These blinks detail the five ways people give and feel love, and how any couple can use this knowledge to make their relationship more nurturing, affectionate and compassionate.

Bestes Zitat aus The 5 Love Languages

In fact, true love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run its course.

—Gary Chapman

Wer The 5 Love Languages lesen sollte

Lovers wanting to know what to expect from marriage and how to make theirs work
Couples in crisis
People who want to meet their partner’s needs and have theirs met in return

Über den Autor

Gary Chapman, a pastor, public speaker, marriage counselor and author, has given speeches and proffered advice, both in the United States and abroad, on the topics of marriage, family and relationships. He is the host of a nationally syndicated radio program and a senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

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