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Zusammenfassung von Get Out of Your Own Way

Name: Get Out of Your Own Way
Rating: 4.1 (514 reviews)
Author: Dave Hollis

Dave Hollis

A Skeptic’s Guide to Growth and Fulfillment

4.1 (514 Bewertungen)

23 Min.

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Get Out of Your Own Way
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What’s in it for me? Learn how to challenge the assumptions that are holding you back.

Self-help. It’s for people having a midlife crisis. Or those looking to “find themselves” after losing touch with their “true self” 20 years ago. It’s definitely not for someone like the author – a person with a loving partner, a few healthy kids, and a respectable career, right?

Even after achieving life’s big goals, Dave Hollis felt unhappy and unfulfilled. He’d come home from a long day at the office and zone out with one too many drinks, too exhausted to really engage with his kids or give his wife the support she needed and deserved. He told himself that this was normal, that he should get over it and get on with life. After all, everyone on the outside thought his life was perfect. And yet he just couldn’t shake how flat he felt, and he had no idea why.

The truth is, when we’re stuck in this kind of a rut, we’re usually paying too much attention to the unhelpful voices in our heads – you know, the ones that tell us we’re only lovable because of our flashy jobs or because everyone thinks we have our lives under control. But the only way we can silence those voices is by challenging how valid each of them is. And to do that, we need to commit to a journey of personal growth.

In these blinks, you’ll discover

what Eminem can teach you about vulnerability;
how a well-meaning eavesdropper changed more than one life; and
why we need to learn another language to have a successful relationship.

Equating our personal value with our profession undermines our self-worth.

Imagine you’re at a cocktail party, surrounded by dazzling people with interesting jobs. You’re chatting to someone you’ve just met, and they ask you the inevitable question: What do you do for a living?

You tell them you’re head of sales for The Walt Disney Company’s movie studio. That’s right. The Disney. You’re the one putting movies like Frozen, Inside Out, and all things Marvel in cinemas around the world. And you’re good at it. Very good, according to your salary.

Naturally, your new acquaintance is impressed. Their face lights up. You heave an internal sigh. If only your job lit you up in the same way.

The key message here is: Equating our personal value with our profession undermines our self-worth.

Once upon a time, author Dave Hollis was that disgruntled sales executive at Disney. With an endless supply of blockbuster movies and a fabulous team working with him every day, he was exceeding sales targets and making more money than ever before. But Dave was deeply unhappy. Since he could practically do his job with his eyes closed, he felt underchallenged and unfulfilled.

Despite feeling this way, Dave was hesitant to make any bold changes. People were in awe of his job title; because of this, he’d allowed his work to become his identity. He’d always prided himself on his successful and evolving career. Leaving it behind felt like letting go of the very thing that made people see him as valuable. But Dave longed to free himself from what other people thought about him. He had to make a change.

And so he took a leap.

He resigned from Disney and took up the role of CEO at his wife’s business, The Hollis Company. It was a challenge shifting from a mass media company to a small start-up, and Dave had to relearn everything he thought he knew about business. But this was just the stimulation he needed. And it taught him something important about himself: His value as a person didn’t come from the size of his paycheck or his employer’s prestige. It came from being a loving, respectful individual who cared about the world around him. And he could be that person, even without a fancy title on his business card.

Being honest about your weaknesses can give you a competitive edge.

A workplace can feel a bit like the savanna. If you’re the zebra with an injured leg, you’ll end up as a lion’s dinner. Similarly, if you’re negotiating a business deal, you don’t want the other party to know your weaknesses. If they do, they’re likely to exploit them.

When Dave worked for Disney, he cast himself firmly in the role of lion. He used a combative approach, concealing any insecurities so they couldn’t be used against him. And while this resulted in plenty of great deals, it came at a price. Dave’s negotiating style made him seem unreasonable and callous, and this distanced him from others.

If we want to grow, we have to normalize failure.

Back when he was in elementary school, Dave’s son Jackson wanted to run for class president. Dave encouraged Jackson to go for it. He knew from personal experience that, win or lose, it was an important learning opportunity for his son. After all, he’d run twice himself and lost both times.

Just like his dad, Jackson lost his campaign. But Dave used the opportunity to teach his son that failing didn’t make him a failure. His family still loved and valued him, and he didn’t have to worry about the opinions of his classmates – at least he’d had the courage to do something that most of them hadn’t. He’d worked hard and put together a great campaign. Sure, the result was disappointing, but it proved that failure doesn’t kill you.

When we stop avoiding pain, it becomes a mechanism for growth.

In 2013, Dave and his wife, Rachel, decided to adopt a child. They already had three biological sons. But without a daughter, their family felt incomplete.

Three years later, they got the call they’d been waiting for. A social worker told Rachel about twin girls, only four days old and in need of a loving home. The couple took a deep breath and said yes. Their family would finally be whole.

We shouldn’t assume we know what our partner needs.

Have you ever spent the day cooking the perfect meal for your partner, only for them to be happy but not ecstatic about your efforts? Or maybe you found them the perfect gift, at which they replied, “Thanks, it’s nice.” Just like that, a gesture that expressed your deep love is dismissed as nothing special.

The reason this often happens is because different people interpret gestures differently. To make matters more complicated, we’re not static beings. As we grow, our needs change. So, that quality time that made us feel connected last year might not be what we need today.

To be the best partner, you need to be able to play different roles at different times.

Anyone running a business knows that to survive you have to change with the times. Unless your business can adapt to shifts in customer preferences, new technology, or cultural changes, it will die. But even though change can be an opportunity for business owners to be flexible and innovative, change in our personal relationships typically paralyzes us with fear.

Why is that? Well, we often think the need to change means we’ve been doing something wrong – possibly for years. Instead of entertaining the idea that we ourselves have changed, or that our circumstances have, we decide that we’ve failed. But change is a normal part of any relationship. And to be better partners, we need to get comfortable with that.

Don’t assume you can truly understand other people’s points of view.

Dave grew up in a cookie-cutter community – one where everyone looked the same, worshipped the same way, and had the same kind of home life. It wasn’t until he was in his early twenties that he started meeting people who were different from him, including a colleague who became his first gay friend.

Years later, when Dave and Rachel were pursuing international adoption, they wanted to make sure their future daughter could connect with her cultural heritage. To support this, they joined a multicultural church community. This opened Dave’s eyes.

To truly grow, we must challenge the thoughts that limit us.

Dave loves to run. He’s completed an adventure marathon in the Irish Hills and 14 half marathons. These achievements are remarkable, especially given that Dave didn’t start running until he was 36.

As a child, he’d been told that tall people like him couldn’t – and shouldn’t – run. And so he didn’t. Luckily, his competitive streak kicked in when a colleague challenged him to a 5 km race. That drive was strong enough to overcome the limiting beliefs he’d carried around since he was a kid.

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Worum geht es in Get Out of Your Own Way?

Get Out of Your Own Way (2020) explores the limiting thoughts that can stop us from growing, feeling fulfilled, and being fully present for our loved ones. By debunking his own self-created lies with candor and humor, the author provides insight into how you can overcome similar long-held positions.

Bestes Zitat aus Get Out of Your Own Way

…humble yourself to the possibility that you dont know anything about what your partner needs until you do some work.

—Dave Hollis

Wer Get Out of Your Own Way lesen sollte

Self-help skeptics
Men with low self-esteem
Husbands and fathers who want to become the best version of themselves

Über den Autor

Dave Hollis is a former Disney executive who now works as CEO of The Hollis Company, which uses media to help people develop a growth mindset. Hollis is a husband, father of four, and former self-help skeptic. Get Out of Your Own Way is his first book and a New York Times best seller.

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