The Desire Map summary

We’re often advised to make decisions based on facts, not feelings. Why? Because facts are considered a measure of the truth, while feelings seem to mislead us. Unlike facts, feelings aren’t true to everyone. But your subjective feelings are “true” too! They’re simply true to you, and nobody else.

If you’ve ever called someone annoying, you haven’t stated a fact. But you have shared some sort of truth – that the person makes you feel annoyed.

Has all this talk about core desires got you thinking? Well, good! Working out what your desires are isn’t just enlightening – it’s liberating too. Many of us waste our time chasing what we think are our desires. But unfortunately, we’re simply chasing things that others desire for us.

If you’re striving to get married before you hit a certain age, or are pushing yourself to earn a certain amount of money this year, have a think about whether you’re subject to pressure from others. What are your real desires? By figuring this out, you’ll be able to discern when you’re simply trying to prove yourself to your peers, and free yourself from this behavior.

Ever chased a goal and achieved it, but still felt empty? These are the goals that aren’t in accordance with your true desires. So, drop them!

The author used to set strict, quantifiable goals for her life, whether it was a figure she wanted to earn that year or a date she wanted to publish a book by. But these hard numbers only succeeded in stressing her out. Goal-setting can be daunting and it can make us nervous, but it should always make us feel excited and happy too.

Ever dreamt of becoming an acclaimed writer or a successful designer, but promptly nipped those plans in the bud? Chances are that a voice in your head told you that those aspirations were ridiculous. This is exactly the voice that you must ignore.

Make peace with the goals you want to achieve. Whether they’re fantastical or humble, if your goals make you feel good, then don’t criticize yourself for having them. By the same measure, you should also be careful not to make fun of the goals of your friends and family. Each of us should feel free to do what we desire, whether it’s opening our own restaurant or rescuing injured animals.