The Male Brain summary

Boyhood is as close as the male brain will be to his female-brained counterparts since the first eight weeks as an embryo. Behaviorally, however, the distinct characteristics between male and female brains make for some striking differences.

His play will likely look far different from his female-brained peers. While female brains are practicing their verbal communication, consensus-building, and social skills on the playground, male brains have a different focus.

Young boys get dopamine rushes from playing with their penises, but teen and adult male brains get far more. Testosterone has driven this sexuality reward system, and when sexuality awakens in puberty, it can feel like a force of nature.

That’s in large part because it is. The hypothalamus, the structure deep in the brain that kicked off puberty, is conducting a hormonal symphony in the maturing male brain. His hypothalamus drives his mate-seeking behavior, and when the male brain notices a potential sexual partner in the room, it lights up like a Christmas tree. All those motion-tracking and environmental exploration circuits developed in infancy and childhood now scan the environment for potential partners. In mate-seeking mode, the teen and adult male brain can seem to have only one focus. Biologically speaking, this isn’t far off.

When a male brain in mate-pursuit mode meets an actual mate, things get intense. Very deep, near the center of his brain, a place called the ventral tegmental area begins pumping out dopamine – and his pleasure centers light up. Along the way, they get mixed with testosterone, driving sex brain, and vasopressin, driving bonding brain. The mix can be as heady as it is all-consuming. The male brain in mating gets a literal high.

When he’s separated from his mate, the male brain goes through more changes. His NAc, or nucleus accumbens, the area of the brain that anticipates reward and pleasure, also lights up with these hormones. When they’re apart, the male brain is prone to anticipation and distraction, obsessing over and preparing for the next encounter. This, too, is like an addictive fuel, driving the pleasure centers to crave more encounters, to release more hormones, to create more pleasure, and so on.

In the adult and mated male brain, testosterone has dampened their neural development around verbal communication and emotional memory. But their problem-solving circuits stay large and well connected. This can lead to the perception that male brains feel emotions less than female brains, but this isn’t true.

When a bonded male brain realizes his partner is upset, for instance, it immediately kicks into problem-solving mode. In male-female couples, this difference in instinctual responses fuels many conflicts. While a female-brained partner might crave communication and connection around her issue, their male-brained counterparts aren’t built for that. Their neural networks are hardwired to respond by offering solutions. It’s well intentioned, sure – but baffling to a partner who doesn’t understand why they can’t just listen.

From early adulthood, testosterone levels in the male brain have been slowly decreasing with age. They may have dropped more with fatherhood, or traced a slow arc downward. His levels of vasopressin – the bonding hormone – have also dropped, which can sometimes lead to relationship turmoil in aging men. 

With less testosterone, his brain is becoming more like that of the postmenopausal female brain. He may be more sensitive to cuddling and touch. He may also begin to respond to oxytocin, and he becomes kinder, gentler, and far less prone to anger.

Male brains and bodies begin forming at eight weeks through a surge of the hormone testosterone. Throughout life, just a few hormones shape the neural structures and biological drives of the male brain. From his active boyhood through potential fatherhood, his levels of testosterone, vasopressin, and prolactin mold both his body and his intimate bonding. A drop in these hormones by old age brings him closer to the postmenopausal female brain, helping him forge the bonds that keep him happier and healthier.