Raising Cain summary

Teenage boys are not the only troublesome bunch. If you’ve ever witnessed a schoolteacher trying to read to a class of young children, you’ll often see the girls quietly paying attention while the boys get restless and goof around with each other.

Boys are nurtured to be more adventurous and less well-behaved, but a primary reason they have such a hard time following the rules in elementary school is that they mature at a later age than girls.

If you’ve spent any time around adolescent boys, you know how eager they are to watch the same TV shows, read the same comic books or wear the same clothes as the other kids in school. But these boys aren’t just following trends; this behavior is a survival strategy, a way to cope with the environment they’re forced to grow up in.

After all, the everyday world of adolescent boys can be cruel, especially if you’re unpopular.

Traditionally, raising children was considered the job of the mother. Even when it came to psychological research, studies were mainly done on the mother-child relationship while generally ignoring the importance of the father’s role.   

This discrepancy was pointed out in a 1998 article in the New York Times; that same year, research into the father-child relationship started appearing.

Were you ever embarrassed when your mom dropped you off at school and tried to give you a hug or a kiss in front of other students? This is a pretty natural reaction for boys. As they get older and explore the world around them, things like physical intimacy with their mother can get uncomfortable.

But while adolescent boys tend to shy away from a mother’s embrace, mothers can also feel awkward about this kind of physical contact, even if their sons are still looking for tenderness.

When you think of a typical angsty teenage boy, you might imagine an adolescent who retreats to his room, preferring to play video games rather than socializing. Seeking isolation in this way is not uncommon.

Young men often find it difficult to communicate and come to terms with their own emotions, which can lead them to shut down and isolate themselves.

Another commonly held misconception about boys is that they’re all strong, resilient and capable of getting through anything.

But the statistics of teen suicides tell a different story: they show that there is a clear gender divide that puts boys at a dangerously high risk.

Everyone knows the cliché of a manipulative, cold-hearted man seducing women and then never calling them, despite promises to do so. But even such callous behavior doesn’t mean the man isn’t still an emotional human being.

The problem is that young men have a difficult time processing their emotions, and this often gets in the way of their having healthy relationships with women.