What We Say Matters summary

You now know that right speech is a way to communicate truthfully without hurting others and that nonviolent communication is a tool to help you use it. The next step is to put this into practice.

NVC was first developed by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. Rosenberg’s intention was to help people resolve conflicts and differences in a peaceful manner.

A major aspect of nonviolent communication is choosing the correct language. But speaking the right words isn’t enough; to truly engage in nonviolent communication, you also need to connect to yourself, to others and to what you’re saying.

To do so, it’s essential to uncover your feelings, as well as your needs, and express both honestly. So, before speaking, give yourself some silent self-empathy. Take the time to determine exactly how you feel and which of your needs aren’t being met.

Judgment and anger can often prevent people from communicating truthfully without harming others. But despite such fears of judgment, you can help yourself meet your needs, and the first step is to understand how this fear affects you.

Sometimes, a fear of judgment causes people to agree to things that don’t meet their needs. For instance, you might eat a cookie that a friend offers you even though you’re stuffed, just because you don’t want to seem ungrateful.

Certain people, like our partners and children, occupy a particularly special place in our hearts – but communicating with the ones we love can sometimes be the most difficult dynamic of all. So, how can we use nonviolent communication to connect with those closest to us?

For starters, we can consider sharing our feelings and needs as a form of gift-giving. This change in perspective can be powerful in a society encumbered by misconceptions that deter us from honestly communicating with our partners and other loved ones.

The great thing about nonviolent communication is that you can apply it to just about anything. You can even use it to improve your work environment, although it can be difficult to do so.

After all, you might worry that being honest about your feelings in the office could lead to a loss of status or respect from your coworkers. While this fear is common, nonviolent communication at work is not only possible, it can be hugely beneficial.