Resilience summary

We all want fulfilling work and happy relationships. But it’s easier to want those things than to get them. And that’s because anything worth having requires lots of hard work and struggle.

But how do you know what’s worth struggling for? Well, it comes down to having a purpose. And that’s not something you can casually find. Rather, you have to forge a purpose by taking action and trying new things.

We’ve all been through dark, painful periods characterized by relentless struggle. But how do you summon your resilience and move forward during these moments? Well, start by looking in the mirror.

Because ultimately, resilience is about taking responsibility for your actions. It’s a matter of being able to accept what you cannot change so that you can redirect your focus to things you have control over.

Imagine a ballet show or a movie: the seeming effortlessness of the final product makes it easy to forget how much work went into it. In the same way, we often don’t realize that good habits and strong character don’t just fall from the sky, but are diligently built through practice and repetition.

Look at it this way: every time we battle our fears, we become more courageous. And repetition ultimately builds resilience, which we can use to overcome hard times.

Sometimes pushing yourself by studying hard or training ferociously is painful. However unpleasant such pain may be, it’s easier to bear, because we’ve sought it out, and, of course, it’s ultimately constructive. But what about those other times – after the death of a loved one, for instance – when the pain finds us. Such tragedies may feel unbearable, but we still have to confront them.

Through his years of work with devastated veterans, the author encountered some former soldiers who tried to numb their pain with alcohol, television or reclusiveness. But the author believes that the best way to ease the pain of veterans is to challenge them. This might involve tutoring a child or training a football team – anything that helps them rebuild a sense of purpose.

Remember when you learned to ride a bike? You probably fell a few times and scraped up your knees before mastering it.

That’s the case for every challenge: at first, you fall. Failure is just the reality and high-achievers have figured out how to live with it.