How to Change summary

So, you’re trying to change. You’ve waited for a fresh start, and now you’re raring to make some progress – but, somehow, things aren’t working out. 

Your heart’s in the right place, but you’re still struggling to devote yourself to your ambitious plans and projects. You find yourself reaching for your phone instead of your textbook, or chocolate instead of some fruit. In short, you’re falling prey to impulsivity.

Everybody procrastinates. We put off filing our taxes, going to the gym, and saving for retirement. We know we should probably make a start today – but what’s another hour, another day, another week?

In isolation, not much. But soon the time compounds – and eventually we find ourselves stressed, disappointed, and underprepared yet again. 

Laziness is a common vice – so common, in fact, that we load children with proverbs and fables about the dangers of idleness and the value of good old-fashioned hard work.

Take the story of the Ant and the Grasshopper, for example, or the fable of the Little Red Hen – they’re both designed to teach children that hard work pays off, whereas laziness leads to trouble.

Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, a psychologist and researcher, had noticed something strange: everyone she spoke to was brimming with advice. Whether the topic was losing weight, spending less, or saving more, everyone had tips and opinions on the best way to proceed.

To Eskreis-Winkler, this was a puzzle. Some of the people who were telling her how to spend less had racked up huge debt themselves. Some of the people sharing advice on saving money didn’t even have a dime set aside for a rainy day. But what puzzled Eskreis-Winkler most was that lots of the advice these people were giving was actually good. So why didn’t they just follow it themselves?

So, your friends can unintentionally hamper your progress if they offer you unsolicited advice. But that doesn’t mean your social circle is always a problem when you’re trying to change. In fact, your friend group can be one of the greatest resources you have – if you know how to make proper use of it.

One of the reasons our peers matter so much is that we humans are naturally susceptible to social pressures. Now, most of the time this is presented as a failing – remember being urged to resist peer pressure as a kid? But that’s only half the story.