The Conscious Parent summary

Many adults enter parenthood carrying pain from their own childhood experiences. For instance, your parents may never have fully connected with their own authentic essence because of how they were raised. So, when you looked to them to see your essence reflected back, you were met with blankness, or your parents’ ideas of who and how you should be. This sabotaged your much-needed sense of rightness and wholeness, causing you intense and ongoing pain.

Sadly, if parents don’t commit to becoming more aware, this cycle of pain repeats across the generations, having huge ramifications for children, grandchildren, and those who follow them. This pain is often what prevents us from becoming aware, which is why it’s important to investigate and tend to your wounds – with professional support if needed – to stop them from interfering with your ability to parent consciously.

Busyness is endemic among modern adults. We tend to measure our worth according to how much we do, earn and socialize. But this habit isn’t innate – it’s social conditioning. And as a parent, you have the opportunity to offer your children new metrics to measure value. Rather than forcing them into the cult of productivity and success, you can allow them to exist in the moment and enjoy being in its purest form. In stillness and unscheduled freedom, they can then explore their essence.

Many adults shy away from the kind of stillness that allows connection with the self, avoiding it by overloading their calendars. Often, this obsessive busyness is used to suppress the feelings of incompleteness that arise when they’re given space. Racing from appointment to activity to social event might temporarily quell angst, but it won’t make it go away.

It’s natural to feel a sense of pride when your child gets straight As on their report card, is chosen for the lead role in a play, or wins a tennis tournament. If your child is gifted and talented, by extension, it means you’re special, too. And this gives your ego a happy little boost.

But sometimes the desire for children to be “special” turns into an obsession. Desperately seeking personal validation through our children’s achievements, we vigilantly compare every aspect of them to their peers, evaluating where they have the potential to excel and looking for ways to optimize their abilities.

When you make a mistake, what do you hope for from others – a reprimand? Or forgiveness, compassion, and release?

Mistakes in life are inevitable, regardless of our age. Just as you would like to be met with understanding, you should offer your children the same courtesy when they make mistakes.