How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired
Growing up, did you ever notice how your friends’ relationships with their parents were often completely different from your own? They might have been closer, more distant, or even estranged.
These important relationships start forming the day we’re born, and their nature depends greatly on the care we receive in those early days and throughout childhood.
Children who have their needs consistently met have the healthiest bonds with their parents. This is what psychologists call a secure attachment.
Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth’s “Infant Strange Situation” test – which examined what happened when caregivers left their babies in a new room alone or with strangers – demonstrated this in the 1960s. Observing the families at home, Ainsworth and her colleagues found that babies whose parents provided sensitivity and consistent care were the most secure. When their parents left the room, these babies showed signs of missing them but were able to continue playing; when parents returned, the babies happily greeted them before returning to their toys.
Unfortunately, some children receive inconsistent care and affection, while others’ needs aren’t met at all. In extreme cases, parents are severely disconnected from their children’s needs. Sometimes they even frighten them or show signs of being frightened themselves, which can be deeply upsetting to a child.
When this happens, children develop forms of insecure attachment that lead to unhealthy behaviors like the suppression of their needs and emotions, general anxiety that persists whether or not their parents are present, or even fear of their parents.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult for children with insecure attachments to move beyond these negative effects; attachment styles follow us into adulthood and influence our relationships with other people, including our children.
Insecurely attached children become adults who are disconnected from their feelings. They feel unsafe in the world and struggle to trust and connect with others, making it hard for them to have healthy and supportive relationships with their own children.
Children who are securely attached, on the other hand, grow up experiencing – and learning to value – good communication. They can manage their emotions and are able to understand themselves and others, making connecting with their children far easier.
People aren’t destined to be bad parents because of how they were raised, though – you can learn secure attachment later in life. To do this, you need to reflect on your childhood, with the help of a therapist if necessary, and acknowledge the negative effects it had on you. Only then can you take steps to heal and start creating an environment in which you can develop secure bonds with your children.
The Power of Showing Up (2020) is a guide to doing one of the most essential things when it comes to raising well-adjusted children – being fully present for them. From providing a safe haven to helping cope with life’s hurdles, parents and caregivers can learn how to build strong bonds with their children that will encourage them to feel confident and secure as they step out into the world.
Ich bin begeistert. Ich liebe Bücher aber durch zwei kleine Kinder komme ich einfach nicht zum Lesen. Und ja, viele Bücher haben viel bla bla und die Quintessenz ist eigentlich ein Bruchteil.
Genau dafür ist Blinkist total genial! Es wird auf das Wesentliche reduziert, die Blinks sind gut verständlich, gut zusammengefasst und auch hörbar! Das ist super. 80 Euro für ein ganzes Jahr klingt viel, aber dafür unbegrenzt Zugriff auf 3000 Bücher. Und dieses Wissen und die Zeitersparnis ist unbezahlbar.
Extrem empfehlenswert. Statt sinnlos im Facebook zu scrollen höre ich jetzt täglich zwischen 3-4 "Bücher". Bei manchen wird schnelle klar, dass der Kauf unnötig ist, da schon das wichtigste zusammen gefasst wurde..bei anderen macht es Lust doch das Buch selbständig zu lesen. Wirklich toll
Einer der besten, bequemsten und sinnvollsten Apps die auf ein Handy gehören. Jeden morgen 15-20 Minuten für die eigene Weiterbildung/Entwicklung oder Wissen.
Viele tolle Bücher, auf deren Kernaussagen reduziert- präzise und ansprechend zusammengefasst. Endlich habe ich das Gefühl, Zeit für Bücher zu finden, für die ich sonst keine Zeit habe.
Hol dir mit Blinkist die besten Erkenntnisse aus mehr als 7.000 Sachbüchern und Podcasts. In 15 Minuten lesen oder anhören!
Jetzt kostenlos testen
Blink 3 von 12 - Eine kurze Geschichte der Menschheit
von Yuval Noah Harari
