She Comes First Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus She Comes First

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Zusammenfassung von She Comes First

Name: She Comes First
Rating: 4.6 (780 reviews)
Author: Ian Kerner

Ian Kerner

The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

4.6 (780 Bewertungen)

16 Min.

Themen

Sex

Inhaltsübersicht

She Comes First
in 7 Kernaussagen verstehen

Audio & Text in der Blinkist App

Kernaussage 1 von 7

What’s in it for me? Learn how to give a woman sexual pleasure.

Despite sex education in schools, there are still plenty of misconceptions about sex out there, especially when it comes to female sexuality. Just take the idea that penetration is essential for female sexual pleasure. In fact, if you want to give a woman multiple orgasms, you can forget about the, erm, ins and outs of penetration for a while. What you really need to learn is the art of cunnilingus.

Sadly, many men – and women – are woefully ignorant of female anatomy in general and about women’s genitalia in particular.

In these blinks, we remedy this shortcoming and show you how cunnilingus is done, from cuddly foreplay to throbbing orgasm.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why penetration is overrated;
the different parts of the clitoris; and
the basics of great cunnilingus.

Focus on cunnilingus over penetration to make a woman climax.

To be successful in the bedroom, it’s all about size and thrusting power, right? Well, not quite.

Most believe that the key to good sex is long, hard penetration. But to orgasm, a woman needs to have her clitoris stimulated.

Studies have shown that the clitoris is three times as sensitive as the vaginal wall.

For those claiming that G-spot climaxes are far more intense than clitoral orgasms, here’s an interesting fact. The G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris and is stimulated during penetration, so this type of orgasm is inseparable from clitoral orgasms.

To truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm.

Still doubtful about the role of the clitoris? Then listen up. People who have the congenital condition vaginal agenesis are born without a vagina, but with external genitals. They are still able to orgasm.

So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do.

Cunnilingus is by far the best way to get a woman to climax. Think about it: your tongue is made up of several muscles and nerves held together by a membrane covered with taste buds. As a highly flexible organ, it’s ideal for both tasting and stimulation.

Several surveys have shown that for women, oral sex is a surefire way to reach orgasm.

Using your tongue may be the best way to satisfy a woman, but due to the complexity of the clitoris, there’s definitely an art to getting it right.

The clitoris is an expansive erogenous area.

There are many nicknames for the clitoris: the orgasm switch, the happy maker, the love button. These make giving a woman an orgasm sound easy – if only it were like pressing a button!

In reality, the clitoris is highly complex. That's why learning the art of clitoral stimulation is important.

Three stages – foreplay, coreplay and moreplay – make up the female sexual response.

If you’re familiar with ancient Greek plays, you’ll know that they’re structured into different dramatic acts. Similarly, the process of female arousal has a defined dramatic structure with a beginning, middle and an end.

During foreplay or Act I, a woman's mind and body gears up for sexual response.

Make sure you're both comfortable during foreplay – and save the genital kiss for last.

The point of foreplay is to build up strong sexual tension before you go down on your partner. To do this, you have to temporarily stop yourself from performing cunnilingus.

As soon as you place the first kiss upon her vulva, you break the boundary between foreplay and coreplay. Therefore, you should save this move till last.

Coreplay consists of six stages, and gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes are essential.

Coreplay should be an uninterrupted process, but it can be broken down into stages so that it’s easier to understand.

Throughout these stages, the sexual tension should build and culminate in a satiating orgasm for your partner. It’s best to use gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes throughout.

Moreplay is about returning to the pre-aroused state then cuddling or giving her another orgasm.

Many fantasize about being with a woman who can orgasm over and over again. Most women do have the ability to experience multiple orgasms, but they need to receive the right clitoral stimulation to do so.

It’s a lot easier for women to have a second orgasm than it is for men. After the first, a woman’s genital area is still filled with blood, and her body remains highly aroused.

Throughout the entire cunnilingus process, keep these Three Assurances in mind.

Don’t forget that you’re learning these techniques because you respect the process of female arousal. To remind yourself, here are Three Assurances to recall.

The First Assurance is to remember that you receive an equal amount of enjoyment from the act of going down on her. When you perform cunnilingus, you’re delaying your own gratification for good reason. When sex doesn't revolve around penetration, you’re free to stop stressing about issues such as size, stamina and performance.

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Worum geht es in She Comes First?

She Comes First (2004) is a guide to improving a woman’s sexual experience through the act of cunnilingus. It emphasizes the value of the female orgasm and argues for a reduced focus on penetration.

Wer She Comes First lesen sollte

People intent on becoming a better lover
Anyone wanting to improve their cunnilingus skills
Those interested in female biology

Über den Autor

Ian Kerner has a PhD in sexology and is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy. He founded the site goodinbed.com, which collects insights from leading sex and relationship experts. He has also written He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man.

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