The Truth summary

So, you now know what polyamory is. Polyamorous relationships, however, come in many different forms.

Some people choose relationships with multiple, but fixed partners. That’s because operating in complex relationships is no easy task and such limitations help simplify things. For instance, how do you establish boundaries and equally divide the time you spend with your partners?

Most people have heard stories about sex-obsessed people. But what really constitutes a sex addiction? Serial affairs? Watching too much pornography? Constant masturbation?

Actually, a sex addict is simply someone who places the opportunity to have sex over all else. They can’t control their behavior when presented with the opportunity to indulge in their addiction, even if they don’t enjoy it.

Have you ever experienced a traumatic event? Just about everyone has. During childhood, most people experience some sort of trauma, be it neglect or loss or abandonment. But while most people can overcome the unconscious feelings of worthlessness such experiences produce, others are driven to external stimuli to make them feel better.

For some people, this develops into a sex addiction. For instance, those who experienced neglect during childhood through physically or emotionally distant parents tend to grow into adults without much sense of self-worth.

So, when it comes to intimacy there are two extremes: love addicts – for whom it’s nearly impossible to live without someone to love – and the love avoidant, who struggle to accept intimacy and love. And while we don’t all occupy one extreme or the other, we do tend to lean to one side.

In fact, relationship difficulties often arise between people from different sides of the spectrum. For instance, when a love avoidant person finds himself trapped in a relationship, he will search for intensity to replace the intimacy he can’t handle. However, this is often just a way of running away from himself, a cycle that he is bound to repeat from one partner to the next.

Do you feel like your relationship to yourself is a healthy one? If not, you could benefit from this two-step technique:

It begins with emptying out, a phase in which you take space from relationships and sexual partners in order to better understand yourself. This is helpful because it’s important to see that it’s not your relationships that are broken, but you. That means there are problems you can’t solve simply by forming a relationship with someone else.