The Company We Keep summary

Now let’s look at how honesty can be integrated into a set of practices you can use when communication gets shaky.

Elle had been friends with Eva for nearly 15 years when resentment started building. She was the one initiating plans, sending check-in texts, keeping the whole thing alive – and Eva had grown comfortable letting her carry the friendship. When Elle finally said something, she led with honesty rather than accusation. Eva hadn’t realized how Elle was feeling, and admitted she’d simply settled into the dynamic because Elle had always taken the lead. She started showing up differently, and the resentment dissolved.

Elle and Kia had built what felt like an unshakeable bond over ten years, and had talked at length about always prioritizing honest communication. Then one day, the texts went unanswered, the calls went to voicemail, and Kia unfollowed her on social media. There was zero explanation, just silence.

The friendship was over.

In 2017, Elle was working with a coaching client who couldn’t sit still. Every free moment got filled with something: scrolling, calling a friend, diving into work. She’d do literally anything to avoid being alone with her thoughts, terrified of what might surface if she stopped moving. Her fear had kept her constantly distracted. She could no longer tell which thoughts were hers and which she had absorbed from other people.

Elle almost turned her away. Because sitting across from this woman, she recognized herself completely. She had stopped her own writing practice for the exact same reason. How could she guide someone somewhere she hadn’t been willing to go herself?

There’s a hard truth Elle had to learn more than once: you can’t sustain a relationship with someone who consistently avoids connecting with you. It doesn’t matter how much you accommodate, soften your edges, or show up perfectly. If someone is consistently inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or plain uninterested, it’s not your job to perform for their attention. Chasing doesn’t build connection, but it does delay the inevitable.

Elle watched this play out up close with a friend who was slowly disappearing inside a relationship. Her friend wanted commitment, clarity, a love that showed up in actions. Their partner kept things deliberately vague – affectionate one day, distant the next, offering just enough to keep hope alive. Elle watched her friend contort themselves in little, painful ways. They stopped voicing their needs and laughed off things that hurt. Month by month, the light in their eyes dimmed.