The Four Agreements summary

Did you know that the word “impeccable” stems from Latin, meaning “without sin”? In that sense, being impeccable with your language means never using it against yourself, as any harm done to yourself is considered sinful.

Such harm might come in the form of self-judgment or blame. You might think that you’re too fat or too stupid. Simply by harboring these thoughts, you’re using your words against yourself and passing judgement. Instead of doing this, you could insist on reaffirming how great you are and how much you love yourself.

Can you remember the last time somebody was rude to you and you took it personally? It likely wasn’t too long ago and that’s a problem.

After all, as soon as something is construed as personal, you begin inadvertently agreeing with it and taking it upon yourself, even if it has nothing to do with you. Beyond that, by taking things personally, people get trapped in what’s called personal importance, a state in which they believe that everything is about them.

Have you ever assumed something was seriously wrong with one of your relationships simply because the other person failed to say “hi” one time? Well, similar things happen to everyone and this is just one example of how assumptions create problems.

After all, when you make assumptions, you think that your thoughts must be true and feel duped when they turn out not to be. This is a major issue as most assumptions have just about no basis in reality. They only appear real in the imagination.

Do you remember your parents and teachers telling you to just do your best when you were a kid? Well, it’s pretty sound advice and you should always do your best, whatever it might mean in a given context.

That’s because doing your best always depends on the situation you’re in, and as long as you give it all you’ve got, you won’t need to blame or judge yourself. Doing your best changes from day to day. On certain days, your best will be totally stellar, while on others it might not be so great.

Now that you have a sense of how your old agreements cause you suffering, here are three ways to break with them and free yourself.

The first relates to the dream you’re living right now, which is called the dream of the first attention, since people used your earliest childhood attention to forge it. But you’re not a child anymore and today you can start changing your dream and believing whatever you want.