Master Your Emotions summary

“I’m so angry right now.”

You’ve probably said many versions of that phrase, depending on your mood. The language is telling. We all think of our emotions as part of our core being. We’re angry or happy or sad.

Odds are you could sit down right now and write out a fairly long list of your problems – some more painful than others. You’re out of coffee. Your boss is a jerk. Your teenager is engaging in destructive behavior. You’re about to lose your home. You have a severe illness. The list goes on and on.

It’s important to realize, though, that none of these circumstances are painful in and of themselves. They simply exist – neutral facts about the world. The problem is your assumption about how things should be, which can cause real pain.

A sheet of blank paper and a pen may be the secret tool you’ve been looking for to deal with your emotions.

We’ve already talked about stepping back from your feelings so you can think about them more clearly and ease their intensity. Sounds great, but how can you do that? 

If you look up and see a truck barreling at you, you'll get a jolt of fear. You can’t help that. It’s triggered by your need to survive. But you can shape other emotions with your own beliefs and thoughts.

The way you think is powerful in creating emotions that build on each other, positive or negative. So changing the way you think about the world can make a big difference in how you feel in your day-to-day life.

Feelings aren’t just connected to words. Taking care of your emotions means taking care of your body, too.

One survey found that most people who reported anxiety and depression were also not getting enough sleep. Another study found that people who didn’t get enough sleep had a higher mortality risk.

There’s no magic pill to make all your emotions positive. Following the advice in this Blink won’t keep you from ever experiencing sadness or anger. And as we just discussed, that wouldn’t even be a good thing, since you need negative emotions to warn you when there’s a problem.

Still, you don’t have to live at the mercy of your emotions, and there are concrete steps to avoid wallowing in negativity. Remember: Your emotions are not you. Unhealthy expectations can create unnecessary negative emotions. And mentally stepping outside your emotions and analyzing them can give valuable perspective.