Getting to 50/50 summary

Some men fantasize about coming home from work to find their wife in a sexy outfit, dishing up a home-cooked meal. But really, husbands and wives are happier and more interested in one another when they both work outside the home. They also have stronger relationships and more sex.

Studies show that after the birth of a child, husbands and wives tend to disengage and gravitate away from each other if the mother stays home and the father goes to work. This is because they lead entirely different lives and don’t have much in common.

As a woman, does the idea of staying at home and curling up with a good book while your husband goes out to work seem like a dream setup? Not so fast. If you believe there’s nothing better than being a stay-at-home mom, here are a few points to consider:

For starters, women who work are independent.

If you’re an expectant mother or have recently had a baby, you may have been confronted with some aggravating comments along the lines of “Well, say goodbye to all your big career plans.”

Sadly, when it comes to work, people don’t have a lot of confidence in mothers.

You’re having a heart attack and need to be operated on immediately. A respected surgeon is available, but she’s been working for 16 hours without a break. Would you put your life in the hands of someone so fatigued and overworked?

Probably not, and you’d be right not to! Overworking can be dangerous.

Some of us observe more traditional couples and wonder: why is she cooking for him all the time? Why is he taking her housework for granted? Unfortunately, sexism and gender stereotyping die hard – and it’s the same at work.

Inequality in the office is alive and well, but thankfully, some progress has been made.

Picture a happy couple from the 1950s. The husband comes home from work, his wife welcomes him with a home-cooked meal, and later they probably watch hours of TV.

Today, the scene is different. The husband gets home after 9 pm, exhausted, and goes straight to bed, too exhausted to hold a conversation with his partner.

Consider how aristocratic women of the past dealt with their children: no sooner had they given birth than the infant was handed over to the nanny so the lady of the house could return to her social obligations.

New mothers these days aren’t desperate for a full-time nanny from day one so that they can socialize, but they could certainly benefit from some support from the state.

Getting to 50/50 means actively encouraging fathers. You know those overprotective moms who chastise their husbands, even when they’re just trying to help? Don’t be that person. Failing to encourage the father will only steer him away from engaging with his children.

You can support your husband by acknowledging the various ways of caring for your children.