The Book of Boundaries Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus The Book of Boundaries

Einleitung anhören

00:00

Zusammenfassung von The Book of Boundaries

Name: The Book of Boundaries
Rating: 4.2 (336 reviews)
Author: Melissa Urban

Melissa Urban

Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

4.2 (336 Bewertungen)

17 Min.

Themen

Selbstvertrauen Selbstfürsorge Mentale Gesundheit

Inhaltsübersicht

The Book of Boundaries
in 6 Kernaussagen verstehen

Audio & Text in der Blinkist App

Kernaussage 1 von 6

What’s in it for me? Respectfully set and enforce boundaries to solve relationship issues.

Living next to a vampire is a pain in the neck. But you can’t very well ask them to switch diets. So what’s a poor human to do? The solution is simple: stay indoors. Vampires may be powerful creatures, but they’re polite enough not to enter your home without permission. The same is true for other kinds of belligerent bloodsuckers whose negative behaviors threaten to ruin your life: you have to set boundaries.

But how? This Blink to The Book of Boundaries is here to help you. It will teach you what boundaries are, when and where you might need to use them, and a few specific scripts for deploying this valuable life skill. You’ll learn how to set and enforce boundaries to solve relationship problems while remaining respectful of others – including vampires!

Setting limits is being kind to yourself and your relationships.

Morning walks are a great way to start the day. They help clear your head and prepare you for work. But what if an elderly neighbor joins you uninvited? It can be tough telling them you prefer to walk alone. When you feel agitated, exhausted, or overloaded like this, it’s a sign that you need to set a boundary. Boundaries are essential for maintaining energy and self-esteem. It’s not just about stating your position; it’s about being kind to yourself. And kindness requires clarity. Repeat after me: “Clear is kind.” So, for the walking scenario, you might say, Hi! This week, I’m going to start walking by myself. I need this time alone to clear my head.

It’s easy to think of boundaries as something to use in difficult or dangerous situations. But the truth is that boundaries simply limit what we’re willing to accept from others. Setting limits isn’t easy. It can be uncomfortable. But so is constantly being anxious or avoiding certain people or subjects. Just remember, when you set a boundary, you’re also being kind to your relationships. You need to start speaking plainly and being honest about what you want. But how do you know when you should put a barrier in place?

The answer is when you hear your inner voice. You know, it’s the one which says things like, “Wow, I’m not going to answer that,” or, “Well, not really, but I feel like I have no choice.” Of course, these warnings aren’t always dramatic. Neither does the solution have to be. In the following section, we’ll use Melissa Urban’s “threat-level” system to help you decide when and where to place the proper restrictions to protect yourself.

Use the threat-level system if your safety or mental health is in danger.

A woman at the party eyed Melissa suspiciously. She asked Melissa why she wasn’t drinking, unaware that the author was in recovery. Melissa told her that she just didn’t feel like it that evening. Melissa didn’t believe she was in danger but chose to walk away. Later, the same party guest “jokingly” asked why she was acting so prudishly. Now Melissa’s alarm bells were ringing. Her thoughts curiously wandered to the Homeland Security Advisory System for risk management.

Was this a green threat? No. That was half an hour ago. The danger level is yellow. The drunk woman became preoccupied with Melissa as the evening progressed. She approached the teetotaler once more, insisting both of them drink shots. Then, boom! The threat level hit red. Melissa had to leave.

Saying no helps improve your workplace.

Like a raging whirlwind, the pandemic swept through everyone’s lives. People had to adjust to a new world. Eventually, we established a new morning routine, work hours, and leisure time to feel normal again. But the line between home and work is still blurry for millions. Email inboxes are overflowing. Phones buzz in the middle of the night. It’s hardly surprising. After all, we’re hardwired to take as much time, energy, and attention for ourselves as we can. Given this, we should reassess our boundaries to maintain a positive and productive work environment. But where do we start?

Well, the most common types of work constraints are time-based. Do you find yourself constantly bombarded with new tasks and deadlines? You’re not alone. Another aspect to note is personal time. Perhaps you don’t take enough vacation or sick days or continually come home exhausted. Also, personal space and energy can become an issue if people constantly intrude on your mental health or privacy at work.

It’s fine to tell your parents exactly what you need from them.

Grandma has the best candy and enjoys giving it to her grandchildren. But, when mom drives them home, her kids are left with enough energy to power the sun. It feels like a betrayal because Grandma has already been asked not to do this. If you’ve been through this or something similar, you need to draw the line. But how do you go about doing so without jeopardizing future visits?

First, remember that “clear is kind.” Second, talk to the grandparents and try to find some common ground. Use this time to thank them for all they did to raise you and to acknowledge how much they love your children. Agree that their rules apply when the kids are at their house. But it’s your rules when it comes to your kids’ health. While it can be difficult if your parents don’t agree with your parenting style or practices, remember, this is your life and they’re your children. It’s perfectly fine to tell your parents exactly what you need or expect from them.

The “magic number” can help couples reach an agreement.

The pop-in. It’s the scourge of the modern world. We’ve all been there. You’re minding your own business, enjoying some alone time when you hear your back door open. “Hello? Is anybody in?” You feel your heart sink in frustration. You know you’ve just lost a couple of hours of your day to please somebody else.

Normally, to combat intrusion, you might use a script saying something like: “Please call ahead before you visit.” Unfortunately, dealing with in-laws is more difficult than a standard inconvenience. It requires a more balanced approach. So how do you stop the pop-in without upsetting the applecart? It starts with an honest conversation with your partner.

Say what you mean and trust your partner to do the same.

The start of a relationship can be so much fun – full of mystery and ambiguity. Though if you don’t progress past this point, you can soon face problems. Imagine you’re in a relationship and things are going great. You’re happy and excited about your future together. But then something happens that leaves you hurt and confused. Typically, the root of the problem is that you didn't say what you meant, which can be just as damaging to a relationship as lying. So what can you do to prevent this?

Start by grabbing a chisel and carving the following phrase into stone, or put it on a plaque and display it on your desk. Whatever. Just remember the golden rule of relationships: say what you mean. Always say what you mean and trust your partner to do the same. When discussing difficult situations, speak clearly and kindly and hold them to the same standard.

Du möchtest die gesamte Zusammenfassung von The Book of Boundaries sehen?

Kernaussagen in The Book of Boundaries

Mehr Wissen in weniger Zeit

Sachbücher auf den Punkt gebracht

Kernaussagen aus Sachbüchern in ca. 15 Minuten pro Titel lesen & anhören mit den „Blinks”

Zeitsparende Empfehlungen

Titel, die dein Leben bereichern, passend zu deinen Interessen und Zielen

Podcasts in Kurzform ^Neu

Kernaussagen wichtiger Podcasts im Kurzformat mit den neuen „Shortcasts”

Worum geht es in The Book of Boundaries?

The Book of Boundaries (2022) is a pragmatic and empowering guide to setting healthy relationship limits. It provides over 130 scripts to ensure you always have the right words to set boundaries and create healthier, happier relationships.

Wer The Book of Boundaries lesen sollte

Anxious parents
Time, energy, and space-conscious workers
Anyone who can’t say no

Über den Autor

Melissa Urban is the cofounder of Whole30, a 30-day dietary reset that has changed millions of lives worldwide. She’s also a New York Times best-selling author, podcast host, and boundary expert.

Kategorien mit The Book of Boundaries

Kommunikation & Soft Skills Persönliche Entwicklung

Ähnlich wie The Book of Boundaries

Set Boundaries, Find Peace

Nedra Glover Tawwab

A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

28 min

4.6

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes

Lysa TerKeurst

Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

14 min

4.1

Boundaries

Henry Cloud and John Townsend

When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships

"The Story of Radiation – How the New Science of the Human Body Is Changing the Way We Live"

The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward

A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing, Reclaim Your Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love

A Guide to Building a Home for Your Soul

20 min

4.6

How to Grow Your Small Business

Donald Miller

A 6-Part Strategy to Help Your Business Take Off

Bathtub Dining, Family Screams, and Other Hacks from the Parenting Trenches

Using Flow, Synchronization, and Leveling Assessment to Measure and Strengthen Operational Performance

22 min

4.5

The Great Money Reset

Jill Schlesinger

Change Your Work, Change Your Wealth, Change Your Life

17 min

3.9

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

Amy Morin

Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

40 min

4.6

The 48 Laws of Power (New Version)

Robert Greene

The secret methods to getting what you want

A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment

19 min

4.5

Gaslighting

Stephanie Moulton Sarkis

Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People - and Break Free

18 min

4.4

Happy Mind, Happy Life

Rangan Chatterjee

The New Science of Mental Well-Being

18 min

4.5

Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Stephanie M. Kriesberg

Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve

16 min

4.6

The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication

John C. Maxwell

Apply Them and Make the Most of Your Message

16 min

4.5

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Daniel Kahneman

Intuition or deliberation? Where you can (and can't) trust your brain

Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

A Critique of Political Economy

19 min

4.4

The Power of a Positive No

William Ury

How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

22 min

4.4

The Boundaries of Desire

Eric Berkowitz

A Century of Bad Laws, Good Sex and Changing Identities

How Your Brain Tricks You Into Expecting the Worst and What You Can Do about It

17 min

4.3

American Prometheus

Kai Bird & Martin J Sherwin

The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer

16 min

4.1

Discipline Equals Freedom

Rediscover the Meaning of Life With This Classic

21 min

4.6

Safe People

Henry Cloud and John Townsend

How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

20 min

3.6

How to Day Trade for a Living

Braving the Wilderness

Brené Brown

The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

16 min

4.3

When You're Ready, This Is How You Heal

Brianna Wiest

Inspiration to Begin Your Journey of True Transformation

18 min

4.6

The Success Principles

Jack Canfield

How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction

The Science of Succeeding with People

17 min

4.1

The Fine Art Of Small Talk

Debra Fine

How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills – and Leave a Positive Impression!

The Science of Creating Heaven on Earth

20 min

2.9

Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People

Renée Evenson

Over 325 Ready-to-use Words and Phrases for Working with Challenging Personalities

18 min

4.2

Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love

Nancy Dreyfus

Relationship Repair in a Flash

Stop Pleasing, Start Living

26 min

3.8

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Stephen R. Covey

Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

Why Some People See Things Clearly and Others Don't

The Jaw-dropping Tragedy That Shocked Ancient Greece

20 min

4.5

The Laws of Human Nature

Robert Greene

What affects your day-to-day life

The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom

A Manual for Surviving Worst-Case Scenarios

What the Rich Teach Their Kids about Money – That the Poor and the Middle Class Do Not!

Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

16 min

2.8

How to Be Your Own Therapist

Owen O'Kane

Boost Your Mood and Reduce Your Anxiety in 10 Minutes a Day

19 min

4.4

❤️ für Blinkist️️️

Ines S.

Ich bin begeistert. Ich liebe Bücher aber durch zwei kleine Kinder komme ich einfach nicht zum Lesen. Und ja, viele Bücher haben viel bla bla und die Quintessenz ist eigentlich ein Bruchteil.

Genau dafür ist Blinkist total genial! Es wird auf das Wesentliche reduziert, die Blinks sind gut verständlich, gut zusammengefasst und auch hörbar! Das ist super. 80 Euro für ein ganzes Jahr klingt viel, aber dafür unbegrenzt Zugriff auf 3000 Bücher. Und dieses Wissen und die Zeitersparnis ist unbezahlbar.

Ekaterina S.

Extrem empfehlenswert. Statt sinnlos im Facebook zu scrollen höre ich jetzt täglich zwischen 3-4 "Bücher". Bei manchen wird schnelle klar, dass der Kauf unnötig ist, da schon das wichtigste zusammen gefasst wurde..bei anderen macht es Lust doch das Buch selbständig zu lesen. Wirklich toll

Nils S.

Einer der besten, bequemsten und sinnvollsten Apps die auf ein Handy gehören. Jeden morgen 15-20 Minuten für die eigene Weiterbildung/Entwicklung oder Wissen.

Julia P.

Viele tolle Bücher, auf deren Kernaussagen reduziert- präzise und ansprechend zusammengefasst. Endlich habe ich das Gefühl, Zeit für Bücher zu finden, für die ich sonst keine Zeit habe.