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Zusammenfassung von Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl

Name: Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl
Rating: 4.5 (126 reviews)
Author: Natalie Lue

Natalie Lue

The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them

4.5 (126 Bewertungen)

24 Min.

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Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl
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What’s in it for me? Become empowered to leave bad relationships, and find true love.

We’ve all been there: we meet someone who seems really wonderful, and go on a few dreamy dates. The chemistry is great, and he’s already talking about plans for Christmas! We’re sure that we’ve found someone special.

But then he suddenly disappears, leaving us to perform excruciating postmortems on everything we did or said to drive him away. In these blinks, you’ll learn that this kind of behavior is a key trait of emotionally unavailable men. They blow hot and cold, make wild promises they can’t keep, and keep you constantly hanging.

Their behavior is never your fault, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change it. But the good news is, you can change your own behavior. Why settle for erratic crumbs of affection from emotionally unavailable guys when you could break the pattern and find someone who adores you unreservedly?

Discovering how to do this will not only change your relationships, it’ll change your life.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why a man who cries isn’t necessarily in touch with his feelings;
how Natalie learned to break her addiction to toxic relationships; and
why you should never confuse good sex with emotional intimacy.

Natalie Lue realized that she had become a magnet for unavailable men.

The author, Natalie Lue, was very unlucky in love – or so she thought. Through ten years of dating she’d been stuck with men who blew hot and cold, men who pursued her relentlessly only to disappear.

She had an epiphany one night when she was on a date with her married boyfriend in central London. She suddenly found herself in the grip of a panic attack, gasping for breath. Instead of staying with her, her boyfriend put her on a train and then went back home to his wife.

Being abandoned like that was a reality check. The author realized that her boyfriend would never put her first and leave his wife. She also realized that she couldn’t chalk up all her unsuccessful relationships to bad luck. After all, she was the common factor in all of them.

The key message here is: Natalie Lue realized that she had become a magnet for unavailable men.

She’d been so desperate for validation that she was willing to settle for relationships with people who didn’t really care for her or treat her well. She’d become a “Fallback Girl,” someone that guys could come to for sex, or a shoulder to cry on, without actually being committed in any way.

So why had she stayed with them? Well, she’d become addicted to the drama. And she’d fallen into the trap of thinking that they’d change, if only she loved them enough.

Instead of wasting her time trying to pursue this pipe dream, the author decided to take a long, hard look at why she’d undervalued herself for so long. Why had she become fixated on what other people wanted, instead of putting herself first?

She knew she had to work to develop her self-esteem, draw strong boundaries, and learn how to communicate them. It was a challenging journey, but the results were profound. For the first time in her life, she felt peaceful and mentally strong. Her physical health also improved dramatically.

Soon after she had her epiphany, the author met a lovely, emotionally available man. Instead of rejecting him for being “too nice,” she embraced the relationship and reveled in being truly supported for the first time. Today, they’re happily married with two daughters.

The author has shared her insights with many thousands of women, helping them to change their relationship patterns by teaching them how to recognize when a man is just not emotionally available.

Emotionally unavailable men blow hot and cold, and they do everything on their own terms.

Have you ever had the experience of going on a wonderful date with someone, only to have them ghost you afterward?

One of the biggest misconceptions that people have about unavailable men is that they’re not available at all. In fact, emotionally unavailable men are confusing because their behavior is so inconsistent.

Men who move too fast usually won’t stick around for the long haul.

If you’ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you’ll be very familiar with the story line of the whirlwind romance. Two people meet up for coffee, and the next thing you know, you’re being subjected to a sickly sweet montage involving the couple dancing around in golden autumn leaves – and then heading straight down the aisle.

In the movies, this is represented as the definition of true love. The couple is so crazy about each other that they can’t bear to be apart, not even to return home to fetch a toothbrush! In real life, though, encountering someone who comes on very strong very quickly could be a warning sign that you’re dealing with a partner who is actually emotionally unavailable.

Mr. Unavailable likes to keep you stuck in undefined relationships.

Are we keeping things casual? Is this a committed relationship? Are we just friends with benefits, or is there more to it? Mr. Unavailable will keep you asking these kinds of questions as long as you’re with him.

He thrives on shades of gray and ambiguity because that means he never has to be accountable to you. He loves booty calls and “casual” relationships where he can enjoy sex with no commitment.

Unavailable men cry crocodile tears, but they have no real emotional maturity.

The guy you’ve just started dating tells you a gut-wrenchingly emotional story about his past. Perhaps his parents never gave him love and attention when he was young. Or his ex-wife cheated on him. As he talks, he gets so upset that tears stream down his face. You feel terrible and resolve to be his shoulder to cry on. You’ll show him that he is lovable, and that he can open himself up again.

A crying man appears to be in touch with his feelings. Unfortunately, in the case of Mr. Unavailable, you’re probably witnessing crocodile tears. They don’t signify emotional maturity. Instead, they’re a well-developed strategy of emotional manipulation. Mr. Unavailable tells you sob stories because they provide a convenient way to yet again avoid taking responsibility for his actions.

Instead of obsessing over Mr. Unavailable, you need to focus on yourself.

Women have wasted countless hours trying to understand Mr. Unavailable – analyzing every date and text, and trying to pinpoint what went wrong in the relationship.

It’s a natural reaction to want to understand someone whose behavior is so erratic and seemingly inexplicable. But asking why Mr. Unavailable is unavailable is like asking how many stars there are in the sky. You’ll never find the answer. He could be damaged by a childhood trauma, or have a full-fledged narcissistic disorder, or simply not be that interested in you. None of those justifications matter. What does matter is that he’s not capable of building a healthy relationship with you.

Fallback Girls put up with bad behavior from Mr. Unavailable over and over again.

Fallback Girls come in many different shapes and sizes. But they all share one attribute: they accept and enable Mr. Unavailable’s unhealthy behavior in different ways. Let’s go through a few examples of the various Fallback Girls.

For example, some Fallback Girls normalize the fact that their partners blow hot and cold. These are Yo-yo Girls; they accommodate on-and-off relationships on whatever terms Mr. Unavailable chooses because they dread the finality of a break up.

In order to change the kind of relationships you have, you first need to change yourself.

We’ve been hearing all about how to spot Mr. Unavailable, which may make it sound like the dating pool is dominated by these unsavory types. But the good news is that many men are emotionally available and have no problem with commitment.

The only reason you haven’t found such a man so far is that you yourself have been emotionally unavailable. This might come as a shock. After all, haven’t you been furiously pursuing Mr. Unavailable and doing everything you could to make the relationship work?

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Worum geht es in Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl?

Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl (2008) provides a lifeline for anyone who keeps getting messed around by emotionally unavailable partners. With searing personal insights, tough love, and a large dose of humor, Mr Unavailable is an essential guide to breaking destructive relationship patterns and finding love.

Wer Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl lesen sollte

Anyone who feels chronically unlucky in love but can’t seem to break the cycle
Women who want to get to know themselves better and develop their self-esteem
Men recovering from bad relationships who want to avoid becoming “Mr. Unavailable”

Über den Autor

Natalie Lue is the self-described Marie Kondo for emotional baggage. She’s the creator of the enormously popular blog Baggage Reclaim and host of the Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. Her second book, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship, was published to much acclaim in 2012.

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