Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve
If your mom’s a narcissist, you’ve no doubt spent the majority of your life believing that you’re her biggest problem. If only you were more successful, more generous, more considerate, you’d finally win her approval and have that close relationship with her that you’ve craved all your life.
But if you want to start building a happier, more meaningful life for yourself, there’s something crucial you must come to terms with first: you are not the reason your mother behaves hurtfully. Narcissism is a personality disorder that is not caused by children – even adult ones.
It can be difficult to accept this fact after so many years of being told the opposite by your mom – whether bluntly, or more subtly through her interactions with you. What can help, however, is understanding what narcissism actually is and why it arises in some people.
Narcissism takes its name from the Greek myth of the beautiful hunter, Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection. And self-obsession is definitely one of the traits of a narcissist. But something else drives their cruel behavior. It’s pathological insecurity – the result of upbring, genes, and temperament, as well as social conditioning.
Your entitled, dominant mom insists on commanding the room because – deep down – she doesn’t believe she’s good enough. Or your endlessly needy mom guilt-trips you into running all her errands because she’s desperate to keep you tethered to her.
While most of us experience a degree of self-doubt, a narcissist’s pathological insecurity is coupled with a complete lack of self-awareness. You mom doesn’t realize she’s insecure – she’s barely in touch with her emotions at all. And this means that her ability to empathize is basically zero. So, while she’s busy making herself feel important by criticizing or manipulating you, she can’t fathom that she’s causing you pain. The world of narcissists has only one agenda – to conceal their insecurities at any cost because they’re so afraid of them.
It’s important to accept, for both your sakes, that you can’t change your mom’s behavior, no matter how much you want to. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn skills to better manage your relationship with her, and reduce its impact on you. We’re going to explore some of those techniques now, by looking at how the behavior of narcissistic parents affects how their children feel.
Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (2022) explores the ramifications of having a narcissistic parent, and what you as an adult can do to release yourself from your mother’s toxic hold. Its toolkit will help you manage the difficult feelings that come with being raised by a narcissist – like self-doubt, shame, and anxiety – so that you can start living on your own terms.
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Blink 3 von 12 - Eine kurze Geschichte der Menschheit
von Yuval Noah Harari
