In Sheep’s Clothing summary

How many times do you get punched in the face on a normal day? Unless you’re a professional fighter, probably none. Does this mean that there are no manipulators in your midst? No! Most manipulators are not openly aggressive, so it’s possible that there are manipulators in your life without you even knowing it.

There are two types of manipulators: Overt aggressive manipulators are openly hostile, and don’t hide their attempts to intimidate, control or hurt others. In contrast, covert manipulators, while just as ruthless in fighting to get what they want, choose to conceal the actual fighting.

How often have you been told not to take it personally when someone lashes out at you, or that their bad behavior is just a result of their own issues?

This view is widely accepted. In fact, our culture pre-programs us to believe that people only exhibit problem behaviors when they are anxious or have been attacked themselves.

By now, you’ve learned how manipulators go about their work, and how they get away with it. In this blink, we’ll start to look at how we can identify manipulators and put a stop to their bad behavior.

The first step to stopping manipulators from ruining your life is to recognize when you’re making too many excuses for someone. For example, is there a colleague who always flies off the handle, causing you to feel like you’re always walking on eggshells? Or do you have to constantly do what your partner wants because not getting their way makes them upset and uncommunicative?

Sometimes we lack the courage to stand up to our aggressors. At the same time, experience teaches us that most problems will not go away until you fight back. But what’s the best way to do so?

When confronting a manipulator, keep the focus on the aggressor’s harmful behavior. Make sure to focus on their actions, not their intentions. Don’t let yourself get distracted by worrying about their mental state, and how it might be causing their behavior.

It’s common wisdom that the better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world will be; this is especially true when dealing with aggressive manipulators who might know your weaknesses even better than you do.

To avoid being manipulated, it’s important to work on the character flaws that can be easily exploited by manipulators, such as low self-esteem, naiveté or emotional dependency.