The War For Kindness summary

How much control do you think you have over your emotions? When you see a photograph or watch a film, for instance, can you choose to be overjoyed or moved to tears, or is your reaction automatic?

It might seem crazy to argue that we can control our emotional states through rational thought. But think about it. What do you do right before a sports match or a difficult set at the gym? You turn up your angriest, most fast-paced music to psych yourself up.

In 1960, 5 percent of Republicans and 4 percent of Democrats said they would be displeased if their child married someone from the opposite political party. In 2010, those numbers ballooned drastically, to 50 percent of Republicans and 30 percent of Democrats. Despite our greater tolerance toward other traditionally marginalized groups, are we doomed to always feel animosity toward someone?

The key message here is: Increased cooperative contact with people who differ from us can increase our empathy for them.

Although fiction doesn’t concern the lives of real people, the characters and their problems still feel real to us as we’re reading. We know that stories can make us smile, laugh, and cry. But they may also have the ability to increase our empathy.

The key message here is: Stories can help us empathize and find common ground with people who are different from us.

If you’ve ever cared for a sick or elderly relative, you know how tough a job it can be. And the statistics certainly bear that out. Caregivers sacrifice huge amounts of their time and energy to help their loved ones, which often results in high rates of depression and worse overall health.

We know how beneficial empathy can be, but is it also possible to be too empathetic?

We’ve all heard the expression “monkey see, monkey do.” Once a norm is established and we see large groups of people acting one way, it becomes easier to follow in their footsteps. Could this principle also apply to empathy? If our institutions adopt empathetic policies, that could be the first step toward a collectively more empathetic society.

The key message here is: Making societal systems more empathetic could raise empathy on a large scale.

It’s no secret that technology can bring out the worst in us. Thanks to the ubiquity of smartphones and computers, we can easily bully and harass others behind the protective shield of a screen. And the cruelty, of course, goes in both directions.

Aside from the damaging psychological toll of being bullied, our new digital condition has other costs as well. People have lower empathy scores in countries with high levels of internet usage, and individuals who spend more time online report greater trouble understanding others.