In Praise Of Love summary

This story begins a few years ago when the author, Badiou, was strolling through the streets of Paris. He noticed posters advertising a French dating site called Meetic, and was immediately troubled by the messaging. The poster’s slogans promised things like “find love without chance” and “perfect love without suffering.”

Now, Meetic is one of these dating sites that asks you a bunch of questions, and then uses algorithms to match you up with people who meet your requirements. The idea is that you avoid a lot of wasted time and heartache by only going on dates with people you’re compatible with. If you can ensure your date has the right body, the right job, and the right values in advance, then there’d be a much greater chance of finding love, without the risk of disappointment. 

In effect, Meetic was suggesting it could eliminate a lot of the riskiness involved in dating. The problem is, for Badiou, love without risk is no love at all. Love is an inherently risky endeavor. For him, the fact that dating apps are helping people eliminate risk from their love life should serve as a dire warning for the dismal state of love today. 

The key message here is: Dating-app culture is threatening love by eliminating much of the risk.

When a dating app removes uncertainty by matching you with people who fit your exact desires, what kind of people do you think you’re going to meet?

You’re probably going to meet people who are just like you – people who have the same tastes, the same background, the same politics, the same ambitions in life.

But where’s the challenge here? Where are the elements of surprise, of newness, of adventure into the unknown? They’re nowhere to be seen. You might find someone with the same Netflix algorithm, or someone who also loves matcha chai lattes, but that isn’t love. At best, such a dating app sets the stage for a stable relationship – but not a passionate encounter.

What these dating apps promote is more akin to an arranged marriage than true love. In an arranged marriage, there’s no risk involved either, because your parents have vetted your partner in advance to make sure they belong to the same community, class, or religion as you. The only real difference is that nowadays we outsource our romantic decisions to algorithms rather than matchmakers.

Risk-free love is really a sterilized idea of love that’s all about servicing your desires. True love, on the other hand, is risky because it has the potential to completely change your life by throwing you into contact with people who are very different to you, and who will shake up your entire perspective on life.

By eliminating risk, dating apps close us off to the dangerous and exciting element of love – the element which makes it such an intense, existentially challenging experience. For Badiou, it’s imperative that we preserve this element of danger against a safety-first culture that avoids risk.