Happy Ever After summary

Is success important to you? At the start of our careers, the answer is usually "yes." Around two-thirds of all 18- to 34-year-olds in the United States say that being successful and highly paid is either "very important" or "one of the most important things" in life.

Few of us daydream about mediocrity or thirst for a life coasting along. But plenty of people overly value success and the recognition and status that comes with it, at the expense of their actual experiences and daily life at work.

Are you in a relationship? If so, you might want to be realistic about its future. According to a Stanford University study, any given relationship is much more likely to end in a split than to result in living happily ever after.

The majority of us regard meeting someone we love and getting married as core parts of a happy life. The author’s analysis of a survey of 7,000 Germans since 2013 found that over 90 percent said they regarded a long-lasting marriage as important to their lives. And there are benefits to being married. Married people tend to be healthier and better off than singles, and sociologists theorize that having a partner represents a source of support and encouragement and a buffer against negative life events.

Infidelity. It’s a sin so bad that the Ten Commandments mentioned it twice. Not only shalt thou not commit adultery, but thou shalt also not covet thy neighbor’s wife.

Infidelity has been regarded as immoral for centuries. In the United Kingdom, national statistics show that 70 percent of women and 63 percent of men believe that cheating is "always wrong." In the United States, research from the Pew Research Center shows that 84 percent of people see affairs as morally unacceptable. We have simply accepted the social narrative that says that infidelity is wrong in and of itself, rather than considering the question more deeply.

You’ve found a partner who – you think – makes you happy. You’ve ticked the marriage box. And you’ve stayed faithful. For now. The next step in life, if you are to follow social narratives, is clear: children.

We have come to view people who go against the grain and remain childless by choice are somehow self-interested, prioritizing nice holidays and lazy weekends over the selfless act of childrearing. Pope Francis has called societies with low birth rates "depressed." And just look at how Jennifer Aniston is treated as she regularly faces pity for her childlessness, despite all her achievements. And women suffer the most – in every country where data is available, women are stigmatized more than men for deciding to be child-free.

In a world of health-bloggers, clean-eating Instagram accounts and fad diets, we are constantly reminded to lead a healthy life. But, just as with money and success, going too far in our pursuit of health isn’t always a good route to happiness.

Today, we often judge those who do not meet our ideals. Consider obesity. Society does not, in general, like fat people. They are judged to have made poor decisions, resulting in concrete discrimination against people of greater weight. For example, in one Swedish study, researchers sent duplicate CVs to recruiters, changing only the photos so that in one version the candidate appeared to be fat. The obese applicants received an interview 8 percent less often.

Much of our outlook in life is underpinned by a belief in free will. But the more we learn about the realities and science of human behavior, the more we see that our ability to determine our lives – our free will – is hugely exaggerated.

Who you are and the life you lead are heavily influenced by your upbringing and parents. The wealthiness of your parents has a major impact. For example, in the United States, for every 1 percent shift up the family income scale that your parents achieve, you become 0.7 percent more likely to go to college. Then consider how damaging it can be to have a difficult childhood. More than nine in ten juvenile offenders in the United States have experienced trauma in childhood. Not every child who experiences a traumatic upbringing will go on to offend, but it’s hard not to see a connection between the two.