Why We Do What We Do summary

When exploring the question of why we do what we do, the focus naturally turns to motivation. What drives us to act? And, more importantly, what happens when we lose that drive? The challenge we face is this: how can we cultivate genuine, self-directed motivation in others – whether they’re kids, students, or employees– instead of fostering the disengagement and apathy so prevalent today?

The psychologist Harry Harlow was fascinated by motivation. He discovered that monkeys, much like curious kids, would eagerly solve puzzles without any reward. They weren’t in it for a prize – they just enjoyed the process. This is what Harlow called intrinsic motivation: the pure joy of doing something for its own sake.

There’s another drawback that comes when extrinsic rewards are used as motivation: people invariably start to cut corners. Rather than doing our best, we look for ways to manipulate or cheat, or focus on shallow, short-term outcomes. Think of a salesperson lying to seal a deal or a student cramming for a test only to forget the material days later.

This is a stark contrast to intrinsic motivation. When you’re driven by curiosity, passion, or a sense of purpose, this is when you work with a vitality and transcendence – the state that psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called flow. That’s the sweet spot where time flies, the work feels meaningful, and the joy comes from doing, not just finishing. Artists, athletes, and even surgeons can relate to this feeling – it’s deeply fulfilling and produces richer, more creative results.

If you’re interested in what makes people tick, it’s worth diving into the history of psychology and its two divergent traditions. One is rooted in internal processes, beginning with Freud’s psychoanalytic theories, which explore the deep, often unconscious reasons behind behavior. The other stems from behaviorism, pioneered by B.F. Skinner, which focuses on observable actions and their external reinforcements.

While these two schools have historically clashed, we can bridge the gap by combining empirical research with humanistic ideas, creating what the author calls empirical humanism.

While it’s important to create environments that support autonomy and intrinsic motivation, society isn’t always on our side. 

People often lose touch with their true selves because of introjects. These are internalized expectations from others about who you should be. These rigid demands, like “you must be successful to be worthy,” or “you must out-earn your peers to be valuable,” act like internal controllers and latch on to our ego. They also lead people to suppress their authentic feelings and desires.

Autonomy support offers a powerful framework for nurturing relationships in classrooms, workplaces, and families. It doesn’t mean surrendering authority but rather creating a collaborative environment by offering meaningful choices. This approach values individual perspectives while fostering a sense of ownership and self-direction.

For example, teachers can let students decide from a few options on how to learn about a topic, or managers can involve employees in project decisions. By valuing individuals’ perspectives and creating space for ownership, autonomy-supportive environments enhance motivation and performance.