Name: The Yes Brain
Rating: 4.2 (173 reviews)
Author: Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

What’s in it for me? Parenting tips from top psychologists.

“Man hands on misery to man,” the gloomy British poet Philip Larkin once wrote. “It deepens like a coastal shelf.”

It’s a sentiment that’s been around for a while. We become, the thought runs, who our parents were. After all, the apple never falls very far from the tree.

Luckily, psychologists are a less pessimistic tribe than poets and spinners of folk wisdom. No wonder. They have access to the latest scientific data, and the news is good: our brains are more adaptable than many once believed.

Experts call it “neuroplasticity.” Translated into everyday English, that means that we’re all capable of changing for the better. And the more we practice new and improved habits, the better people we become. Even more uplifting, we can guide our children early on in their development to develop traits that’ll help them lead meaningful and successful lives.

That’s the verdict of Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s bestselling The Yes Brain.

A thoughtful and fully hands-on guide to mindful parenting, this book is packed full of fascinating facts and inventive strategies to help both you and your children flourish.

Squarely focused on the key traits of balance, resilience, insight and empathy, it illuminates the path to the state they call the Yes Brain – an open-minded outlook that says “yes” to the world and takes adversity in its stride.

In the following blinks, you’ll learn

how to teach your child about emotions and to take self-control;
why looking at situations through the eyes of a spectator can help you keep calm;
why children are born selfish but don’t have to remain that way.

The Yes Brain is a mindset that helps you and your children become more open, creative and resilient.

Close your eyes and repeat “no” to yourself for 30 seconds. How do you feel? Chances are you’re tense and unmotivated. But try saying “yes” instead. That’s much better, right?

That’s because affirmation has a calming and relaxing effect.

Like most people, you probably want what’s best for both yourself and your children, including this open, accepting attitude that says “yes” to the world.

And that’s basically what the Yes Brain is.

It’s a way of being in the world that makes you receptive and helps you live meaningfully.

Take the first part. When you’re receptive, you’re primed to take challenges in stride. You’re flexible and capable of thinking clearly.

The No Brain is the opposite. It’s a defensive and reactive outlook. That’s a problem because it makes connecting with other people and reaching good decisions extremely difficult.

When you put it that way, the Yes Brain is clearly preferable to the No Brain.

So how can you develop this attitude?

Being receptive might feel like an intangible goal. But there are concrete strategies you can use to begin developing a Yes Brain as an adult parent.

A good place to start is with its four essential characteristics. These are balance, resilience, insight and empathy. These are all explored in the following blinks.

But what about children?

Well, the one follows the other. When you model fundamental Yes Brain characteristics, your children are also likely to adopt them. A couple of techniques can help you do this.

Take Alex. His son Teddy had a meltdown whenever something didn’t go his way when playing soccer.

A No Brain response would be to try to shame Teddy. “Other kids don’t start crying when they miss a shot,” it would say, “so why should you?”

Luckily Alex could draw on the authors’ insights. Rather than embarrassing his son, he adopted a Yes Brain attitude and helped widen Teddy’s window of tolerance.

That’s basically a way of expanding the number of things we can encounter without “losing it.”

Teddy learned techniques like deep breathing while Alex learned how to empathize with his son and comfort him when things went awry. In the end, Teddy calmed down enough to listen and become aware of his behavior.

The Yes Brain is more than a mindset – it also promotes brain integration and development.

Most people believe that who you are as a child fundamentally molds who you are later on in life. Even if environmental factors have some influence, nature trumps nurture. An unsympathetic child, according to this line of thought, will be an unsympathetic adult.

But scientific evidence shows that’s not the case. The human brain isn’t predetermined at all; in fact, it’s highly plastic and changes to reflect a person’s experiences, also referred to as neuroplasticity.

Acknowledging your children’s feelings and letting them play helps cultivate emotional balance.

Think back to the last time your child threw a tantrum. It’s easy enough to respond rashly and punish them, right?

But it’s important to remember that most kids lose control of their emotions for one simple reason: their brains aren’t developed enough to handle their response to certain situations. And they don’t like being out of control any more than you do.

There are a number of techniques for cultivating empathy in your children.

Did you know that children’s selfishness has a solid basis in evolutionary development because it boosts their chances of survival?

Fortunately, that’s not the only trait bestowed by Mother Nature. Studies show that humans are also naturally predisposed to care for others. Even better, this kicks in at an early age.

Kernaussagen in The Yes Brain

Worum geht es in The Yes Brain?

The Yes Brain (2018) is a hands-on guide to teaching yourself and your kids to approach the world with openness, creativity and boundless curiosity. Packed full of useful tips, examples and ideas, this book shows parents how to model and cultivate the traits that let you say “yes” to the world: balance, resilience, insight and empathy. And that doesn’t just give children better self-control and awareness; it also puts them on the path to meaningful and successful lives.

Über den Autor

Daniel J. Siegel is a clinical psychiatrist at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founder of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Tina Payne Bryson is a clinical social worker specializing in pediatric and adolescent psychotherapy as well as the founder of the Center for Connection in California. Together, they have authored numerous New York Times bestsellers, including The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline.