Leadership and Self-Deception summary

In today´s selfish world, it might seem harmless to inflate one’s own virtues and importance. But in fact, this act of self-deception is harmful and what’s worse, it is a neverending vicious circle where one act of self-deception leads to another.

How?

We all want to be liked, respected and loved. Typically, one would think that the key to getting these things lies in our behavior: how we act toward others.

But in fact, the way others see us depends on something that runs much deeper than our behavior: our underlying feelings. This is because we are often able to sense how people feel about us, even if they do not show it.

We have seen how self-deception affects our perception of others. But it also negatively affects our own motivation and priorities, leading us to lose sight of what is really important.

This is because when we are self-deceived, we must constantly look for self-justification to support our distorted worldview. This means we are not focused on what we want to achieve, be it at work or at home.

In our families and at work we seldom act autonomously. Interacting with other people is an inextricable part of life.

This means that our self-deception has an impact on those around us as well, and can in fact spread like a virus. This is because when things go awry, if we are self-deceived we see others as inferior to ourselves, so we tend to naturally blame them. This of course makes them feel like they are being treated unfairly, which makes them defensive. They naturally begin to emphasize our faults, while inflating their own virtues in order to feel better about themselves. This way they too become self-deceived.

Humans are social beings, relying on one another and each other`s empathy to get through the trials and tribulations of life.

If we are mentally healthy and balanced, it is easy for us to feel empathy, because we see a reflection of ourselves in others around us.

We all know that nagging feeling that arises when we feel we should do something for another person. By now you know that if you don’t act on that feeling, you betray yourself. So how does this self-betrayal put you in the box of fully fledged self-deception?

Well, in order to justify your self-betrayal, you need to change your world view.

We know that when we betray ourselves by ignoring our wish to help others, it leads to self-deception. Therefore, if we can stop betraying ourselves, we can stop being self-deceived.

First of all, it’s important to understand that we cannot get out of the box of self-deception by merely changing our behavior – for example, by trying to avoid others or finding ways to cope with our self-deception.

We have all experienced the liberating feeling of being outside the box of self-deception when interacting with some people. Be it in your private life or at work, the feeling of dealing with someone on a basis of mutual respect is a positive and inspiring one, and also a key to success.

To be a successful leader, you must be free of self-deception. Great leaders treat people as equals and with underlying respect, thereby gaining willing and loyal followers. Even if the leadership methods are strict or demanding, those being led will not resent the leaders as they do not feel that they are devalued.

The key message in this book:

Many of us are in the box of self-deception: we consider the needs and wishes of others as less important than our own. This has all kinds of negative effects, harming our relationships, work attitude and ability to lead others. To get out of the box we must simply start following our natural instincts to be helpful to others.