Why Love Hurts summary

Imagine you’ve just won the lottery and you go to the mall with your winnings. Now that money is no longer an object, you can buy whatever you wish. Well, in many ways, love today is similar.

After all, previously, economic imperatives were the main factor in making marital decisions. But with modernity, new criteria for selecting mates entered the marriage market. One such factor is attractiveness.

Can you remember your last breakup? Did you think it was your fault that the relationship ended? Well, if you did, it might not be about what you said or did. It could be all about your gender instead.

That’s because self-blame for failed relationships is more common among women. Their sense of self-worth is more closely connected to love than that of men.

Do you keep track of the calories you eat, the steps you take or the number of sexual partners you’ve had? Well, even if you don’t, many people do. Life has become increasingly rationalized, and that goes for love too.

In many ways, love isn’t just a matter of emotions, but one of rational thought. Modern science can explain why.

Imagine you’re planning a vacation. You spend some time online looking at pictures of pristine, white sand beaches, and book what looks like a lovely hotel room. But when you arrive, the beach is littered with plastic bottles and the staff are grumpy.

Well, a similar problem spoils online dating. The internet supports all kinds of fantasies, which makes for serious disappointment when the real person fails to meet high expectations.

You’ve learned that love is becoming an increasingly rationalized experience in which the obstacles to forging truly loving relationships can seem impossible to overcome and disappointment feels like a logical outcome.

So, in the face of this conundrum, how can you build successful relationships?