Becoming Attached summary

Think back on your childhood. Did you go to your mother when you were scared of something? No matter how scary a situation was, it was always better when your mom was around, right?

That’s because your attachment to your mother (or other primary caregiver) provided a secure base for you.

Imagine your young child were so sick you had to leave him in the hospital and weren’t allowed to visit. While that might seem strange to us today, it was a reality for many parents just a few decades ago. Back then, hospitals didn’t let parents stay with their children for fear of infection. In doing so, they unknowingly caused a great deal of problems.

In the beginning of a child’s life, even just a few days of separation can have serious consequences for the child’s development. James Robertson, one of the top researchers in the field of mother-child separation, knew this and pushed hard to have hospitals change their policy to start allowing parents to visit their children.

If you’ve ever studied psychology, you might’ve encountered the name Mary Ainsworth, who’s played an instrumental role in the field of child psychology. In her analysis of attachment, she identified three different attachment styles to classify the bond between parent and child.

The first, secure attachment, is the most common. It’s characterized by an emotionally available mother and an easy-to-handle child. These mothers respond quickly to their children’s needs. They attend to their children in a warm and loving way, and are consistently available.

Now that you know the three attachment styles, how can you determine which one someone has?

To help answer this question, Ainsworth developed something called the Strange Situation.

So what causes these differences in attachment styles? Some psychologists have suggested that it’s partly genetic. Most research, however, has shown that there’s a much more reliable indicator.

The attachment style adults had with their own parents is a good predictor of what style they’ll have with their children.

There will always be debates about the best ways to raise children. The topic of day care, however, is particularly controversial and one of the most-discussed topics in the history of developmental psychology.

For a long time, day care was considered harmful in the first year of infanthood. Discussions about day care first arose when women began fighting for their right to work. Before that, there had not been any need for day care, as women stayed home to care for their children. Opposition to day care was thus an excuse for people to speak out against the women’s movement.

If you’re a parent, how did you feel before you became one? If you’re not a parent, how would you feel if you knew you had a child on the way? Excited? Scared? Confused?

Well, you should try to be aware of those feelings, because they will influence the way you bring up your child! Your attitude toward parenting, and your own past experience as a child have a big effect on your own parenting style.